48. Hard to believe. When you are the "baby" in the family (I am the youngest of six), you always have this inner sense of being "young." When you hit 48, it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain that illusion…especially when you look in the mirror and see more of your scalp than you ever have before.
Here are my thoughts on the morning of waking up 48.
Life is short and it moves fast.
The Bible emphasizes this point over and over. Life is a vapor. Life is a breath. Life is like the grass that grows in the morning and dies at night. Life is like a wilting flower.
I know…that's not real encouraging. But it is real.
Realistically half of my life is over and time keeps marching on. It doesn't stop for anyone. And the chapters close quickly.
Perhaps I am feeling nostalgic this year because I am watching my oldest son graduate and head off to college. 18 years passes quickly. In one sense it doesn't seem that long ago that I was bringing him home from the hospital, staying up with him at night, holding him, feeding him, changing him (okay, that's a memory that is easy to forget). Hearing him recite his ABC's, seeing him walk, watching him grow.
Now that chapter is closed.
In many ways I am glad. I love the young man that he has become. And I don't want to go back to the sleepless nights and stressful days of parenting young children. But something inside aches as well. I can only tie it to the realization that I can't have that time back.
Time marches on. Leaving only pictures and memories in its wake.
It is easy to grow cynical as you age.
When you are young, the world seems like an adventure in front of you. Hopes, dreams, ambitions, quests, goals, careers, relationships. As you age, you tend to see life's bumps, bruises, pitfalls, regrets, failed expectations, and…as Solomon puts it…vanities.
You tend to look back more than you look forward.
You tend to become more critical than idealistic.
You tend to sense life's disappointments more than its amusements.
It is a hard tendency to fight. You have to find that delicate balance between being realistic without becoming pessimistic. You have to learn to find joy in life as it is, not in life as you wish it to be.
To be thankful not cynical.
To put your hope in things beyond this world more than in things within this world.
Life is about wisdom.
Growing older doesn't mean that you necessarily grow wiser. Some people just grow older.
But as I age I am learning about the pursuit of wisdom.
Wisdom is applying knowledge to life. It is skilled living. It is realizing how the world operates and learning how to live within it.
In the oldest Psalm in the Bible (Psalm 90), Moses lays out the realities of life and prays:
Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).
In other words, "God, help me to see life as it really is. Help me to see how short it is, how disappointing and hard it can be. Not so that I can become cynical, critical, depressed, discouraged, and frustrated. But so that I can have a heart of wisdom."
Wisdom is the fear of the Lord. I am not in control. I did not create myself. I am mortal, temporary, limited, dependent. I am a guest in God's universe. In Him I live and move and have my very existence.
Wisdom is the departure from foolishness. The bait of sin allures but doesn't satisfy. It entices then enslaves. It promises life but delivers death. Following God is the pathway to the best that this life can offer.
Wisdom is loving God and loving others. Life is about relationships. Don't take them for granted. Learn to listen, communicate, yield, give, forgive, grieve, grow.
Wisdom is contentment. Resting in Christ. Enjoying His grace. Realizing your limits and being okay with them. Taking life one step at a time. Not expecting or demanding that life or others make you happy but finding joy in the simple blessings of life.
So today I am 48.
I have a little less hair, less strength, less stamina, less time on this earth…but also a little more gray hair, more wisdom, more realism, and more reasons to give thanks to my God.
He is good…as Psalm 48 reminds me.
For this is God, our God forever and ever. He will be our guide even to death (48:14).
HI Steve, I love the part where you said "You have to learn to find joy in life as it is, not in life as you wish it to be." That is the lesson I have been learning ever since our daughter and her husband and their 4 children (soon to be 5 kids) moved to NC and are not near our family. It was a difficult transition and the reality is that life is not usually what you want it to be. We still can find joy in life, it may be a different joy, but it is joy all the same. We don't have control over many things and we cannot allow our disappointment to ruin our joy. That doesn't mean that I don't wish for them to come back or that I can't pray for God's will that they might, but I try not to let it overwhelm the other joys that I have in life. So, for 48 years old, you have a lot of wisdom. Thanks for sharing that with us. We still miss you in Sayrewoods. I think you would like what you see when you come back for a visit. We have some amazing young pastors with good heads on their shoulders! We have been blessed. Sending hugs and regards to your family! Clare and Chet
Thanks so much, Clare! Yes, I can only imagine how hard it must be to watch kids (and especially grandkids!) move away. But it sounds like they are doing well and making good choices. That in itself is a major blessing.
Hopefully we can make it back up to NJ sometime in the near future. Glad to hear that things are going well.
Hi Steve,
Happy Birthday Blessings! There is so much truth here. So eloquently put and definitely realized by your peers and elders 😬. I love where you said "following God is the pathway to the best that life can offer". It's unfortunate that without wisdom and in our youthfulness we don't grasp the truth of that statement. He is an awesome; right pathway and all that is good, indeed! Thanks for taking the time to reflect and share. I was in a funk this AM and now I'm encourage to walk in wisdom.
PS Your still a baby
Blessings always,
Lisa
Thanks, Lisa! I appreciate the encouragement. We miss interacting with you and your family. Thanks for all that you did for us and our boys!