Learning to Lament

I fight tears.

I am not sure why.

There is something that feels dangerous about tears. Uncontrollable. You fear that if you start you may not be able to stop.

But when the tears come, it has a way of cleansing my soul. Reminding me that I am still human. That my heart is not numb…cold…dead.

This has been a hard week.

Sitting at the bedside of a woman who has wasted away because of cancer. Face sunken. Hair gone. Body reduced to skin and bones. You can't run away from the reality of death. It is ugly…cruel…unstoppable. Yet she manages a smile while I read Scripture.

Jesus is the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down His life for His sheep. He knows His sheep by name and no one can snatch them out of His hand.

She looks up with eyes that know her time is near. And she tries to sing.

My heart breaks.

A few hours later she is gone.

Before I can stop to process the day, another tragedy hits.

A husband, father, and new grandfather. A man who beams joy when you see him. A man who has faced the harsh realities of life…the loss of everything in a flood, financial difficulties, uncertainties…with grace and a smile.

Missing. Then found. Robbed. Shot. Killed.

While sitting alone in a park journaling.

Journaling. Thinking. Reflecting. Praying.

But seen as a target by those without regard for life.

A family shocked, shaken, grieving.

How do you process this? Where do you go?

The world is unsafe. We are vulnerable.

Do you run and hide?

Shake your fist at the world? At others? At God?

Or do you weep?

The tears come at odd times. One moment you are speaking. The next you are grieving…weeping…crying.

But somehow in the tears there is a sense of relief. Release. Peace.

Perhaps it is our fighting of tears that leads to our fighting with one another.

We don't know how to lament. Anger feels more natural. More appropriate. More powerful.

We fight tears because we fight our own weakness. Our mortality. Our vulnerability.

But we are weak. We are mortal. We are vulnerable.

Who are we kidding? Ourselves?

Tears remind us of reality. They remind us that life is short. That evil exists. That suffering happens. That something is desperately wrong with this world.

Tears point us to hope.

We sorrow but not as others who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

We have a hope that transcends the grave, of a coming kingdom, of a coming King.

We have a Savior that has entered our world, shared our suffering, carried our sin, defeated our death.

A Savior who wept…and one day will wipe away our tears.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

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