I meant to write this post several months ago. I didn’t. So I am writing it now.
My oldest son, Nate, turned 13 this year. Besides making me feel old, it also was a reminder of the great responsibility that I have as a father to my sons. I only get one shot at this…and the time passes so quickly. I want to redeem the time and make the most of every opportunity (Ephesians 5:16).
One of the books that inspired and impressed me was Robert Lewis’ Raising a Modern-Day Knight. Lewis is the former pastor of Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock and his book detailed some of the “manhood ceremonies” and traditions that he established in raising his sons. Lewis used a knight theme as a way to instill in his sons the ideas of honor, integrity, and bravery. I liked the ideas but just couldn’t get into the knight theme. No offense to King Arthur and his round table but I knew I needed to come up with my own ideas.
Here are the traditions and “rites of passage” that I have started and am doing with my sons. Since Nate is the oldest, he has become the “guinea pig” for them all. So far they have seemed to work and to leave a strong impression on him. Maybe there is something that you can take from them as well.
Yearly Birthday Dinner. About five years ago, I started taking my sons out for a special lunch/dinner on their birthdays. It is just my son and me. I let them pick the place to eat. When they were younger, they wanted to go to Chick Fil-A. Now their tastes are getting a little more expensive. Nate has chosen a Japanese steakhouse the past few years. During the meal, I use the time to hear their best memories from the past year, see how they are doing spiritually, and ask if they have any questions for me or issues with our parenting. Typically nothing major comes up but it at least opens up the door for future communication.
10-Year Old Night Out. On their 10th birthday, I wanted to do something a little more special so I decided to take them away for a night. Nate and I went away to a Christian retreat center (America’s Keswick in NJ) and spent the night there. Keswick has an Olympic size pool and other activities so I figured the two days together would be fun. But when we arrived, I found out that their pool and most of their other activities were closed since they only opened when large groups were staying on site. I thought the time might be boring for Nate but he didn’t mind at all. That night we walked around the lake together. We talked about God, life, sports, girls, and whatever else came up. Along the way, he took me by the hand and thanked me for being his father. I knew at that moment that the night away meant a lot more to him than I could have imagined. The next day we played the only two activities still available–frisbee golf and raquetball. We had a blast. As soon as we got home, Noah, my second son, asked where we were going on his 10th birthday. The precedent had been set.
On this 10th birthday trip, I take the time to have the “sex talk” with my boys. I use Carol Nystrom’s God’s Design for Sex series. We read through Book Two together and talk about it. I want my boys to understand the beauty of sex and God’s design for it. I also want them to know that they can talk to me about any sexual issue or ask any sexual question. The night away affords a great opportunity for this interaction.
13-Year Old Special Trip. While eating lunch one time with a friend, he mentioned that when his kids turned 13 he asked them where they wanted to go in the US and then he took them there for a special 2-3 day trip. The idea struck a chord in my mind. I knew the expense could be a challenge but, at the same time, I knew the potential benefits could be priceless (sort of like the Mastercard commercials). Out of curiosity one night when Nate was around 12 1/2, I asked him, “If you could go anywhere in the US, where would you want to go?” To my surprise, he said without hesitation, “The Grand Canyon.” That resonated with me because I wanted to see the Grand Canyon too!
I looked at my OnePass miles and I had enough for one flight. I checked into flights to Phoenix and the costs were reasonable. I talked with Liz and we decided to go ahead with the plan, knowing full well that in committing to take Nate where he wanted to go we were committing to three more trips with my other three sons.
When I told Nate we were going to the Grand Canyon, his eyes lit up.
Planning the trip with him was almost as fun as the trip itself. I was thinking that we would fly into Phoenix, drive to the Canyon, walk around exploring a little bit, and then come home. Nate had other ideas. He asked, “Can we go whitewater rafting?”
I wasn’t as wild about this idea. I am not an adventure seeker. I have been whitewater rafting on youth trips in Tennessee and in Costa Rica. I went more out of duty than out of joy. The last trip I was on in Costa Rica I was thrown out of the raft. Nothing bad happened as I went down the rapid on my tush but the whole experience made me inwardly vow that that would be my last whitewater trip.
Out of fatherly love I started to research whitewater rafting on the Colorado. I was almost relieved when I saw that there were no one day or two day trips on the Colorado River. But then I found a one-day trip with an Indian tribe called the Hualapai. The more I researched it, the more it looked perfect for what we wanted to do. I made the reservation (no pun intended).
Our trip was phenomenal…and God arranged so many things for us along the way.
We arrived in Phoenix on Monday and drove to Peach Springs, AZ on Route 66. We stayed the night at the Hualapai Lodge. The next day we went whitewater rafting. We were placed in a raft with a family from Northern Ireland. Come to find out they were a Christian family and their teenage children immediately hit it off with Nate. I couldn’t have planned a better whitewater experience…and best of all I didn’t fall out of the boat.
The next morning I planned a “rite of passage” ceremony with Nate. I like the concept of a bar mitzvah and wanted to reproduce it in a small way. I challenged Nate to be a LIGHT–a Leader with Integrity, Grace, Humility, and Truth. I talked about each quality and shared my hopes and dreams for Nate. I read to him what I wrote in my journal when he was born. We cried together and prayed together. I used two candles to symbolize the time. I had him hold his candle in the flame of mine and talked about how in his early years, he borrowed his light from us, his parents. Then I had him pull the candle away. Now as a young adult he needed to personalize his faith and make it his own. As parents, we could help relight his candle for awhile but soon he would be on his own. Together we poured the wax from our candles onto a LIGHT certificate that I made for him. I gave him a leather necklace with a star to remind him of being a LIGHT for Christ in this world.
About mid-morning, we left Peach Springs and headed back toward Phoenix. We stopped and swam at Slide Rock, drove through Sedona, and got to Phoenix in time to watch an Arizona Diamondbacks’ game. We didn’t even know Arizona was playing at home but we saw a billboard when we first got to Phoenix. I looked online, found cheap tickets on StubHub, and got us two tickets a row behind the left field fence. We didn’t catch a home run but at least the Diamondbacks won.
On Thursday morning we flew back to Baton Rouge.
Nate called it the best trip of his life. My prayer is that he will remember it the rest of his life.
I know I will.
