The End of the Pursuit

It hit me this morning as I was riding with my 15-year old son.

"I have reached the end of many of my pursuits."

Life is so exciting for him. He is about to get his driver's license. A whole new world on the road will soon be opening to him. It is all new. Driving to him is "fun."

I can't remember the last time that driving was fun to me. It's not an adventure any more. It is a task. I remember driving to California from Florida when I was in college. It was an adventure. Now driving three hours away seems tiring and draining.

What's changed? Am I just getting older? More tied to home? More used to cars? More mature and settled? More dull and boring?

Or maybe just at the end of many of my pursuits.

I pursued getting through middle school, then high school, then college, then seminary. I pursued getting a permit, then a license, then a car to drive (even if it was my parent's ugly Ford Fairmont), then a "cool" car to call my own. I pursued dating, then engagement, then marriage, then children. I pursued getting an apartment, then renting a house, then owning my own home. I pursued becoming a youth pastor, then an associate pastor, then a senior pastor.

When you are younger, everything seems like a pursuit. Everything seems "out there." There are new experiences to be had. New places to see. New goals to attain.

But as you get older, particularly in middle age, you start to come to the end of many of these pursuits. Owning a car isn't that big of a deal. It is just another headache to deal with. Owning a house is nice but it doesn't "fulfill your dreams." Instead it often just dominates your free time with chores and repairs. Getting an education is a great pursuit but after graduation, all you have is a degree on the wall and the responsibility of a job. Climbing the "ladder" in your chosen occupation keeps you motivated for awhile, but soon you reach a place that you realize that every job has its benefits…and its mundane, frustrating, and stressful parts as well. And even though I wouldn't trade my family for the world, I have to recognize the reality that marriage in itself does not satisfy…and having children doesn't produce the lifelong Kodak moments that you have in your mind.

So here I am at 45 realizing that many of the goals that I have put out there to pursue…many of the life experiences that I have wanted to experience…have been realized.

What now? Is this all there is?

I can understand what drives the "midlife crisis." You have come to the end of many of your pursuits…and there is not much there. It is like getting to the vacation resort that looks so good online but it never measures up to your expectations and, even if it does, it is still just a temporary experience that you know won't last.

So you look around and think, "Well, is there anything else out there that will satisfy? I don't have much time so I better start pursuing it now." So you launch a new career, start a new relationship, move to a new city, even change your whole persona to try to find that missing "something" that you might have missed.

But what if the end of all our pursuits on this earth is just plain unsatisfying? What if every excitement, like getting a driver's license, is destined to fade over time?

What if this world was never meant to be our home?

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." C.S. Lewis

I realized this morning that I have reached the end of many of my earthly pursuits…and they have not satisfied. But there is one pursuit that I still have before me. The pursuit to know God. To grasp more of His Word. To delve more into His nature. To fathom more of His mystery. To experience more of His love. To know more of His grace. To become more like His Son.

That doesn't mean that pursuing God always thrills my soul. Oftentimes I struggle. I doubt. I wander. I stray. I run after another trivial pursuit that promises a tickle of excitement.

And that doesn't mean I don't still have goals and pursuits in this life. I am still learning, still striving, still growing, still dreaming, still enjoying the good things that this world offers.

But it does mean that I have developed a new perspective on life. I don't expect this world to satisfy. I don't wait for the next "new thing" to bring me fulfillment. Instead I try to see each day as a gift. Each possession as temporal. Each relationship as precious. Each mundane task as sacred. 

And each pursuit as a hunger for the only One who can satisfy my soul.

And even when I am not pursuing Him.

He is still pursuing me.

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