Same Love?

It wasn't too long ago that I first heard "Same Love" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. It is a compelling song with lyrics that plead for love and acceptance for those who have and/or struggle with same sex attraction. It is a powerful message that resonates with many people. And it has become the anthem of the homosexual movement as evidenced by the recent Grammy awards in which the song was sung as 33 same sex couples said marriage vows in front of a national audience. 

The notion of the song is that since same sex couples have the same kind of love that heterosexual couples do then there is ultimately no difference between them. It is the same love therefore it should be accepted as the same kind of marriage. "What's the difference?" the song would ask. And why would anyone, especially Christians who believe in love, fight it?

It's a good question…but it is based on a mistaken notion.

Christians do not have a problem with the love between two males or two females or between any group of people. We are all commanded to love. And the love described between two males or two females isn't any different than the love prescribed for a man and woman in marriage.

The Bible predominantly uses the Greek verb, agapao, to describe the love that we are to have for one another. Agapao describes an action of sacrificial love. It is a love given for the benefit of another person. Unselfish and other-centered. Characterized by patience, kindness, humility, graciousness, forgiveness, truth, acceptance, commitment, and loyalty (1 Corinthians 13; John 3:16; 1 John 3:16-18; Philippians 2:1-8). 

This kind of love is a beautiful thing. Really an unnatural thing. It runs counter to every selfish gene that we have in our bodies. 

And it is love that can be stronger between two men or two women than between a man and a woman.

For instance, the Bible describes the love between David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 18:1-4.

Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt.

David and Jonathan loved each other and even made a covenant of loyalty together. Jonathan, as King Saul's son, gave David his prince's robe, armor, and weapons as a sign that he recognized David's right to future kingship and would not fight him or oppose him. Later, when Jonathan died, David would lament in 2 Samuel 1:26:

I grieve over you, my brother Jonathan! You were very dear to me. Your love was more special to me than the love of women. 

This kind of love is called friendship and its bond can potentially be closer than any familial bond. A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:23-24).

So what ultimately distinguishes marriage in the Bible is not the love. What ultimately distinguishes marriage is the sexual union and its purpose. 

The institution of marriage is first described and defined in Genesis 2:24-25.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

God designed male and female as biologically different. They are two "other" and complementary beings. And He designed sexual intercourse between one man and one woman to be exclusive, beautiful, uniting, and life producing. This sexual union is so powerful, sacred, and special that it is to be protected within the lifelong security of a marriage covenant so that its vulnerability and intimacy cannot be misused or abused, so that its potential procreation of children would be in the stability of a family, and so that its picture of security and intimacy would reflect the union of Christ and His church. 

This is what marriage is and should strive to be. And it is the sexual union which separates it from all other unions. If nothing else, even the objective non-theist would have to say that the biology of sex is intended and best designed for one man and one woman and that this is the only natural means for procreation. 

So the issue is not really over love. It is over sex.  

Are there any limits to sex? Are there any parameters? Is there a divine design for marriage and sex that is best for individuals, for families, for society? Or is it all open to individual interpretation, definition, gratification, and pleasure?

Can we redesign the design of the Designer to fit our own designs?

The recent Grammys show illustrated what happens when sex is preached and promoted apart from any divine design or limits. 

The sexual act is imitated on stage for all to see. Intimacy is turned into voyeurism. Security is turned into self-gratification. Love is turned into lust. And sex is whatever I want it to be.

In this kind of society, everything is sexualized. Even friendship. The biblical story of David and Jonathan can't even be read without sexual implications. We can't imagine how a person could live without sex or how two people could have a committed, close friendship without it. Sex is our new god. And the old One who designed it must be mocked, disdained, and burned at the stake. This is not a new idea or a progressive movement. It is as old as biblical days when Baal was god and sex was the worship of choice for those who followed him. 

But whether in an ancient society or in our own "modern" society today, the message of the Bible remains the same.

We are all broken, morally, sexually, spiritually. And we all need redemption, healing, restoration, and grace from the God who designed us (Psalm 139:13-14)…and died for us despite our sin and selfishness (Romans 5:8)…and rose again from the dead so that we could walk in holiness and newness of life (2 Corinthians 5:17-21).

And those who experience that kind of divine, gracious, sacrifical, transforming love are to show that same love to others.

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The Right to Be Angry?

But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?" "I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die." (Jonah 4:9)

Jonah is steaming mad. So mad that he is physically trembling. Why? Because God had the audacity to show mercy to those whom Jonah didn't feel deserved it. In short, God didn't meet Jonah's agenda. Jonah wanted life to operate one way and God said "no." And like a child, Jonah went up on a hill and pouted.

On that hill, God graciously gave Jonah an object lesson. A vine grew up over Jonah's head providing temporary relief from the sun. Then the vine died. Now Jonah is so mad and depressed that he says he wants to die. Then Jonah wished death for himself, and said, "It is better for me to die than to live." (4:8)

Wow. Such drama. But anger does that to us. We lose rationality. We wallow in self-pity and depression. We vent our frustration so that everyone, including God, knows that we are not happy. And God asks a simple question to us, "Do you have a right to be angry?" Interesting question. Jonah thinks he does. In fact, he is willing to defend his right to be angry even to death if necessary. Jonah would rather die than let go of his anger…and his right to stay that way. Sad. But so true.

What goes on in the human heart that makes us more willing to die than to soften our hearts to God's Word, repent of our selfish attitude, let go of our pride and resentment, and rest in God's sovereignty and mercy? We are fighting for our own way. We are fighting for life to match our agenda. We are fighting for our right to have things be like we want them. And in the midst of our self-focused, God-resisting anger, God still speaks to us…quietly and gently…"Why do you value your convenience over My compassion? Why do you think your rights trump the needs of everyone else? Why do you trust your will over My own?"

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Jesus Is Lord

The earliest and most basic Christian confession was just three words long.

Jesus is Lord. 

1 Corinthians 12:3 says that no one can truly confess that "Jesus is Lord" except through the Holy Spirit.

Romans 10:9-10 says that when someone confesses that "Jesus is Lord" and believes in their heart that God has raised Him from the dead, then they will be saved from their sin and given eternal life. 

Philippians 2:11 says that at the end of all history, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess, whether in voluntary adoration or involuntary submission, that "Jesus Christ is Lord." 

Jesus is Lord.

Such a simple statement but loaded with implications.

Jesus. A confession in the historical, physical Jewish man named Jesus who was born in Bethlehem, grew up in Nazareth, walked the roads of Galilee, was beaten and crucified under Pontius Pilate, was buried in a rich man's tomb, and was physically raised from the dead.

Is. A confession in the present reality of this Man from Galilee. He is not dead but alive, declared to be the powerful Son of God by the resurrection from the dead (Romans 1:4). He is not just the Son of Man but the Son of God, born of a virgin but eternal in nature. He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End…who was and is and is to come (Revelation 1:8). 

Lord. A confession that Jesus is Creator of humanity, Sustainer of life, and Conqueror of death. This Man from Galilee is God in the flesh and He alone has power over sin, Satan, and death. He is King of kings and Lord of lords. He has the right to rule over all creation…and over me. 

Jesus is Lord. 

It can become a cliche, a phrase said with no meaning, a slogan on a neon sign, a screen print on a T-shirt. 

But it is a radical confession.

It declares allegiance. Jesus is the One I look to for salvation.

It defines faith. Jesus' death and resurrection are the basis of my hope.

It destroys pride. I am not the captain of my soul and the master of my fate.

It divides humanity. Either I receive Him or reject Him. Either I bow now in grateful adoration or bow later in forced submission.

It is the confession that caused the early Christians to face persecution and death in the Roman empire. You could worship any god you wanted, you could follow any religion you desired, you could pursue any belief you liked…as long as you didn't claim exclusive truth, as long as you kept things to yourself, as long as you were still willing to bow to the lordship of government (Caesar). A Christian who confessed unequivocally that "Jesus is Lord" was seen as subversive, disruptive, divisive…even if he was otherwise a law-abiding citizen who showed love and respect to others. 

Some beliefs are simply not tolerated in a tolerant society. 

Humanism says that man is the measure. Christianity says, "Jesus is Lord." Postmodernism says that you can define your own reality. Christianity says, "Jesus is Lord." Pluralism says that all religious beliefs are a matter of opinion and preference. Christianity says, "Jesus is Lord." 

Christianity declares that Jesus existed in history and reigns over history. 

He either was born of a virgin or He was not. He either died on a cross for our sins or He did not. He either rose from the dead or He did not.

And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is useless; you are still in your sins.Furthermore, those who have fallen asleep in Christ have also perished. For if only in this life we have hope in Christ, we should be pitied more than anyone. (1 Corinthians 15:17-19)

Christianity is an "all or nothing" confession. 

Jesus is Lord.

Or Jesus is a myth…fraud…ordinary man…deceiver…tragic figure…dead revolutionary.

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important. (C.S. Lewis)

As a Christian, I am not saying that I don't have struggles…doubts…questions. There are things I do not understand. There are objections hard to answer. There are days my faith is weak. But despite my doubts and in the midst of life's mysteries, I have decided to cast my lot with the Man from Nazareth. 

Conceived by the Holy Spirit. Born of the virgin Mary. Suffered under Pontius Pilate. Crucified. Dead. Buried. Risen. Ascended. Coming again. 

And thankfully my security doesn't rest in my power but in His.

"Jesus is Lord."

Not me. 

And I can live with that.

Quite literally.

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Women and Head Coverings

What in the world do you do with 1 Corinthians 11:2-16? 

I am preaching through 1 Corinthians on Sunday mornings and this passage totally racked my brain. I vaguely remember studying it in Bible college but back then I didn't have to do anything with it except try to memorize a few points for a test. When you have to preach it on a Sunday morning to a congregation of people (men and women, members and visitors) it is a whole 'nother story. 

One biblical commentator has said that "throughout church history, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 has been one of the least understood and therefore most controversial passages in all of Scripture" (MacGregor). I don't know how big of an issue this passage was in church history, but I do know that it is hard to understand and controversial for today…particularly in our culture.

Here is the basic gist of the passage.

Paul commends the Corinthians for following his oral teaching, then tells them that he wants them to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God (11:3). This statement leads into a long discourse on the need for women to wear a head covering when they pray or prophesy in the church gathering. Paul talks about women having their head shaved (if they are not going to wear a head covering), being created for man, being the glory of man, and having long hair…and he talks about men not covering their heads, being the image and glory of God, being dependent on the woman, and not having long hair. And Paul throws in an obscure statement about angels just to make it more interesting. 

Thanks, Paul.

How is someone supposed to preach through that? 

Well, most preachers simply don't. It is a hard passage that is difficult to understand, doesn't seem relevant, and is bound to create controversy. Perhaps the only people who preach on it are those with a specific agenda to subjugate women and make sure they wear a head covering on Sunday mornings. 

As I wrestled through this passage this past week…and even as I wrestled through it as I preached…I began to understand it a little more and to see its relevance for today.

Here are three basic things that I think Paul was trying to teach in 1 Corinthians 11:2-16.

1. Be culturally sensitive. 

I read many different interpretations of 11:2-16 but most of them seemed to ignore the context of 1 Corinthians 8-10. The common interpretation is that 11:2-16 begins a new section on public worship and so the ties are to 1 Corinthians 11-14 more than to 1 Corinthians 8-10. But I think there is a greater tie to these previous chapters than is often emphasized. 

In 1 Corinthians 8-10, Paul is teaching the Corinthians to be culturally aware and sensitive. The issue is idol meat and whether it is okay for a Christian to eat it. The Corinthians were convinced that it was okay to eat it because of their freedom in Christ. Paul didn't disagree with them in principle, but he did want them to see questionable issues like these on a higher plane. The question is not just, "do I have a right and freedom to do this?" but rather "what is the impact of this action on others?" In other words, our ethics should not be based on "my rights" but on love. 

Love willingly enters another person's world. It willingly gives up its own rights for the benefit of another. Christ exhibited the heart of love when He willingly left the glories of heaven and took on human flesh in order to be a servant and to die for our sins on the cross. Paul followed this pattern when he became all things to all men so that by all possible means he might save some (9:22b). This kind of mindset recognizes the needs of another, reaches out to them in compassion, and removes all obstacles that would hinder them from seeing the love of Christ.

It is being sensitive to the culture in order to be effective for the gospel. 

Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks, or the church of God–even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ (10:32-11:1).

Or as Paul says in Romans 12:17b, Try to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes.

So when we come to the issue of headcoverings, we are entering an area of cultural sensitivity. What was "honorable" for a woman in that society was to wear a headcovering in public. It was a sign of modesty, purity, and femininity. It was also a sign that a woman was in right relationship to her husband. For a woman not to wear a headcovering in that society would indicate that she was either sexually promiscuous (and proud of it) or "available" and looking for someone. 

Paul's concern in 11:2-16 is on what is "honorable" and what is "shameful" in that society. If it is shameful for a woman to be without a head covering, then why would the believers at Corinth ignore this? Why would they have a public gathering, where visitors might be present, and purposefully ignore the connotations of their actions? Apparently the Corinthian women were so intent on their freedom in Christ that they were not thinking (or caring) about the message they were sending to others. They might be praying to God and talking about God but, based on their appearance, many of the people were hearing, "I am a sexually free woman. Are you interested?"

Which leads to the second message of 11:2-16. 

2. Be modestly dressed. 

Whenever you look at parallel passages to 11:2-16, the message is the same to women. Be modest in your appearance (1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:3-4). This is always the emphasis…not head coverings per se. In fact, no other passage mentions head coverings for women. And in the OT, men serving in the priesthood were the ones expected to wear head coverings (Ex. 28:4, 37-38, 39:28; Ezek. 44:18). So the issue of head coverings for women is almost certainly cultural not universal. 

In the Jewish and Greco-Roman cultures, to "let down your hair" had sexual connotations (hence the scandal of Luke 7:38). So when a woman in the Corinthian congregation was standing up in front of others with her hair down and no head covering, she was sending a message that was hard for others, particularly men, to ignore. 

This is why I think Paul mentions the fact that women are "created for man" and are "the glory of man." Feminists often hate these words but they are actually quite beautiful…and true. When Adam first saw Eve, he started spouting poetry (Genesis 2:23) and when Solomon looked at his bride, he poured out praise for her body from head to toe (4:1-15, 7:1-9). 

Men are visually oriented and they are attracted to the glory of a woman's body. Most women cannot fully fathom how a man thinks when it comes to seeing their beauty (though advertisers obviously do). "Why don't they just clean up their minds?!" Yes, many men struggle with lust and pornography and need to make a covenant with their eyes not to look lustfully at a girl (Job 31:1). But, just as many men need to clean up their minds, many women need to cover up their bodies. By dressing immodestly…and often provocatively…many women enjoy the "attention" of men but it is not the attention that they really want. It is the attention that my dog gives to a piece of meat. It is ravenous, selfish, lustful, out-of-control, consuming, and eventually destructive. 

So, in ancient Corinth, a woman in the church gathering with an uncovered head and long flowing hair was as provocative as a woman today standing in a chuch service with a short skirt and a tight or low-cut shirt. That woman may be sincerely worshipping God, but many men around her are mentally worshipping her. 

That's why I think Paul mentions the "angels" (11:10). The angels are so protective of God's glory, as they gather around His throne and worship Him night and day, that they would be shocked and offended that in the middle of a "worship service," there were many women drawing attention to themselves and many men drawn to their beauty rather than to God's. 

Do you think this has any relevance for today? Many worship services are times for people to show off their physical appearance…and admire the physical appearance of others…rather than to glorify God. Of course, this doesn't mean that we should come to church looking homely, disheveled, and miserable (cf. Matt. 6:16). This too draws attention to ourselves rather than to God. The standard is modesty. Not too extravagant. Not too frumpy. But culturally appropriate. 

That's why head coverings in America today would have the opposite effect of what Paul is intending. Paul was concerned about women drawing inappropriate attention to themselves. He wanted them to do what was "normal" and culturally "proper." In our own society, that would mean dressing in a modest way and seeking not to be a distraction in worship, whether one is male or female. 

That leads to Paul's final point. 

3. Be genderly content.

Okay, "genderly" is probably not the best word but it conveys the thought. Paul was concerned that, in the Corinthian church, several women were acting and looking more like men…and apparantly some men were acting and looking more like women. That seems to be Paul's whole point in his analogy about women with long hair and men with short hair (11:13-15). I think Paul is basically saying this:

"Judge for yourselves. If you walked into a room of people and all the men had long, flowing hair and all the women had short crew cuts or were bald, wouldn't you be shocked? Wouldn't you think that something was wrong with this picture?"

In Paul's mind, this was exactly what the Corinthians were portraying with the women not wearing head coverings and apparently some of the men wearing them. It was a complete gender reversal. And it showed that the Corinthians did not have a proper understanding of gender identity and roles. 

So Paul reminds them of God's design for gender.

God created us "male and female." We are equal in essence (Genesis 1:27). We are one in Christ (Galatians 3:28). We are mutually dependent on one another (1 Cor. 11:11-12). There is no room for arrogance or dominance. Both genders are made for each other and need each other (as evidenced in reproduction). 

But though we are equal in essence, we are different in design. We were made for different roles. Man was made primarily for a task (Genesis 2:15) while woman was made primarily for relationship (Genesis 2:18-22). Yes, we both share in the task and in the relationship (Genesis 1:28) but there is still distinction in our purpose and design. To ignore these distinctions is to our own detriment. Men have a heart bent more toward strength. Women have a heart bent more toward love. 

Because of sin, men often look for strength illegitimately, becoming abusive or angry, or they abdicate their strength, becoming passive and apathetic. Women, on the other hand, often look for love illegitimately, becoming provocative or clingy, or they deny their love, becoming bitter and domineering. And strangely enough, provocative and clingy women often end up with abusive, angry men and domineering and bitter women often produce passive, apathetic men. 

We see this in our own society. As gender lines are blurred (and even left up to personal choice), we are producing more and more angry and passive men ("checking out" from the family and often reality) and more and more aggressive and depressed women (carrying the load of the family or rejecting it altogether). These are not the marks of a healthy society…or one that will last.

Instead God calls men to lead and take responsibility, with a servant's heart, in the home and in the church. And He calls women to respect and support male leadership, with a submissive heart, in the home and in the church. This obviously grates the nerves of some people but, again, it is a beautiful design when it is exercised with grace. Husbands subordinating their agenda out of sacrificial love for their wives and women subordinating their agenda out of supportive respect for their husbands. Both meeting the deepest needs of the other. Both, paradoxically, finding greater contentment and joy in giving up their selfish rights and demands…and learning what it means to be "male and female" to God's glory. 

So if we can get past the cultural issue of head coverings, we can see the universal relevance of 1 Corinthians 11:2-16. The church of Jesus Christ should be the one place where male and female display the beauty and order of God's design…being sensitive to their culture (so as to increase the effectiveness of the gospel), being modest in their dress (so as to keep the focus on God in worship), and being content in their gender (so as to experience the fullness and joy of God's design). 

Hats off to you, Paul. You hit the nail on the head. 

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The End of the Pursuit

It hit me this morning as I was riding with my 15-year old son.

"I have reached the end of many of my pursuits."

Life is so exciting for him. He is about to get his driver's license. A whole new world on the road will soon be opening to him. It is all new. Driving to him is "fun."

I can't remember the last time that driving was fun to me. It's not an adventure any more. It is a task. I remember driving to California from Florida when I was in college. It was an adventure. Now driving three hours away seems tiring and draining.

What's changed? Am I just getting older? More tied to home? More used to cars? More mature and settled? More dull and boring?

Or maybe just at the end of many of my pursuits.

I pursued getting through middle school, then high school, then college, then seminary. I pursued getting a permit, then a license, then a car to drive (even if it was my parent's ugly Ford Fairmont), then a "cool" car to call my own. I pursued dating, then engagement, then marriage, then children. I pursued getting an apartment, then renting a house, then owning my own home. I pursued becoming a youth pastor, then an associate pastor, then a senior pastor.

When you are younger, everything seems like a pursuit. Everything seems "out there." There are new experiences to be had. New places to see. New goals to attain.

But as you get older, particularly in middle age, you start to come to the end of many of these pursuits. Owning a car isn't that big of a deal. It is just another headache to deal with. Owning a house is nice but it doesn't "fulfill your dreams." Instead it often just dominates your free time with chores and repairs. Getting an education is a great pursuit but after graduation, all you have is a degree on the wall and the responsibility of a job. Climbing the "ladder" in your chosen occupation keeps you motivated for awhile, but soon you reach a place that you realize that every job has its benefits…and its mundane, frustrating, and stressful parts as well. And even though I wouldn't trade my family for the world, I have to recognize the reality that marriage in itself does not satisfy…and having children doesn't produce the lifelong Kodak moments that you have in your mind.

So here I am at 45 realizing that many of the goals that I have put out there to pursue…many of the life experiences that I have wanted to experience…have been realized.

What now? Is this all there is?

I can understand what drives the "midlife crisis." You have come to the end of many of your pursuits…and there is not much there. It is like getting to the vacation resort that looks so good online but it never measures up to your expectations and, even if it does, it is still just a temporary experience that you know won't last.

So you look around and think, "Well, is there anything else out there that will satisfy? I don't have much time so I better start pursuing it now." So you launch a new career, start a new relationship, move to a new city, even change your whole persona to try to find that missing "something" that you might have missed.

But what if the end of all our pursuits on this earth is just plain unsatisfying? What if every excitement, like getting a driver's license, is destined to fade over time?

What if this world was never meant to be our home?

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." C.S. Lewis

I realized this morning that I have reached the end of many of my earthly pursuits…and they have not satisfied. But there is one pursuit that I still have before me. The pursuit to know God. To grasp more of His Word. To delve more into His nature. To fathom more of His mystery. To experience more of His love. To know more of His grace. To become more like His Son.

That doesn't mean that pursuing God always thrills my soul. Oftentimes I struggle. I doubt. I wander. I stray. I run after another trivial pursuit that promises a tickle of excitement.

And that doesn't mean I don't still have goals and pursuits in this life. I am still learning, still striving, still growing, still dreaming, still enjoying the good things that this world offers.

But it does mean that I have developed a new perspective on life. I don't expect this world to satisfy. I don't wait for the next "new thing" to bring me fulfillment. Instead I try to see each day as a gift. Each possession as temporal. Each relationship as precious. Each mundane task as sacred. 

And each pursuit as a hunger for the only One who can satisfy my soul.

And even when I am not pursuing Him.

He is still pursuing me.

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