Getting into Better Shape

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Steve Foster

I wish I was in better shape.

I just returned from a trip to Atlanta. While I was there, I rode through several hilly neighborhoods where it seemed like everywhere I looked there were people running. Ipods strapped to their arms. Sweat pouring from their lean, fit bodies. Eyes focused on the road ahead.

I was impressed. And discouraged.

The last time I tried running, I thought I must have run three miles through my flat neighborhood. When I measured it with my car, the odometer said I ran just over a mile.

Stupid odometer.

I keep waiting for my “running gene” to kick in. After all I have an older sister who runs. Nephews and nieces that run. And an older brother who runs Iron Man competitions. That’s over two miles of swimming, 112 miles of cycling, and 26 miles of running. In the same day! I might have done that in my lifetime. My idea of an Iron Man is playing 27 holes of golf…carrying my bag. Maybe with an extra 2-iron thrown in.

A real “iron man.”

I mean my mind keeps telling me that I am 20, that I can run and jump with the best of them if I simply tried. But my body keeps telling me that I am 45, that Advil and ibuprofen are my best friends when I try to run and jump like I’m 20. 

It is a hard reality to face.

And as much as I wish or dream for physical fitness there is one simple truth that won’t go away. Physical fitness takes work. And not just one day, but day after day. It is a lifestyle. Discipline. Consistency. Self-control. Making better choices. Putting my health over my immediate happiness. Watching my diet. Exercising when I don’t feel like it. Pushing myself whenever I can….even when I would rather “sleep in” or veg on the couch watching other people play sports.

There are no short cuts or “magic pills” to physical fitness. OK, some people use steroids to bulk up quicker…but they adversely affect their health in other ways. And some TV ads promise that you can look ripped, fit, and tan in 14 days through some revolutionary product. But despite the promises, the results are never what people expect. And most of that stuff you can find at a garage sale two months later.

To be physically fit takes discipline. Day after day. Week after week. For the rest of your life. And what keeps you motivated? The goal of feeling better, looking better, and hopefully adding a few healthy years to this all-too-brief life.

The same principle holds true for “spiritual fitness” as well.

As a pastor, I don’t know how many people I have met who expect spiritual health in an instant. They read their Bible and expect instant answers. They go to church and want an immediate “high.” They pray a few times and expect a “magic wand” to wave away all their problems…and then get discouraged or mad when it doesn’t happen.

“I prayed, pastor, and nothing happened.”

“I tried to read my Bible but it was too hard to understand so I gave up.”

“I hate going to church. I don’t see the point.”

It would be like me saying:

“I did a few push-ups this morning but nothing happened.”

“I tried to run around the block but it was too hard to keep my legs moving so I gave up.”

“I ate a salad a year ago and I don’t feel any better today. It just doesn’t work.”

There are no short cuts or “magic pills” to spiritual health. OK, some religious gurus hock “spiritual steroids” to get prayers answered quicker and God’s blessings flowing faster…but they all adversely affect your faith in other ways. And some TV preachers promise that you can be richer, healthier, and more successful if you follow their revolutionary formula or say some “secret” prayer…usually accompanied with a generous donation to their ministry. But the results are never what people expect. And their books, tapes, and prayer cloths end up in a garage sale a few years later.

Spiritual health doesn’t happen overnight. It takes work. It is following Jesus step by step, day by day. Discipline. Consistency. Self-control. Putting holiness above your immediate gratification. Reading Scripture and praying when you don’t feel like it. Watching what you put into your mind. Pushing yourself…through the power of the Spirit…even when you would rather do lesser things.

Run in such a way to win the prize (1 Corinthians 9:24b).

And what’s the prize? Pleasing the Father, fulfilling His purpose for our lives, experiencing His blessings. Inner joy. Growing contentment. Greater love. Abiding hope. Eternal reward.  

So sit up in the morning with God’s Word. Lift up your hands in praise. Run to God in prayer. Avoid the “sugar” of sin and the carbs of complacency. Visit your local spiritual gymnasium (church). Stretch your faith in ministry. Press forward in love. Be pushed by godly friends.

As iron sharpens iron… (Proverbs 27:17)

An “iron man” for Christ. 

Postscript Note: Spiritual fitness begins with a new heart in Christ. Just as physical fitness will not cure a person needing a heart transplant due to a life-threatening defect (in fact, it may hasten their death if they ignore it), so spiritual fitness only occurs after a person has recognized their sin and embraced Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. This is the free gift of eternal life in Christ (Romans 6:23). However, many professing believers seem to forget that although salvation happens in an instant, sanctification (becoming more and more like Christ) is a lifetime process. And though grace showers us and empowers us all along the way, it is not an excuse for passivity or a false hope in "instant answers." We often run to quick spiritual fixes because we simply do not want to face our own selfishness, repent of our sin, discipline our bodies, and pursue holiness step by step. Scripture is clear that we must exercise ourselves toward godliness for bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come (1 Timothy 4:7b-8). We can't expect the benefits of godliness if we are unwilling to exercise spiritual disicpline just as we cannot expect the benefits of physical fitness if we are unwilling to do the work. 

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A Few Thoughts on Homeschooling

Posted on August 30, 2013 by Steve Foster

I remember the first time I heard about homeschooling.

I was sitting in a Fantastic Sam's waiting to get my haircut and I overheard one of the stylists talking to a young teen.

"So where do you go to school?"

"Oh, I am not in a school. I am homeschooled." 

The stylist was a little taken back and so was I…though I kept flipping through the tattered copy of Sports Illustrated because I really wasn't supposed to be listening to their conversation.

"Homeschooling," I thought. "Is that legal? Sounds pretty weird."

That was around 1991. 

A few years later, homeschooling started showing up at our church in New Orleans. I was the youth pastor and most of those being homeschooled, to be honest, seemed to be coming from homes with overprotective parents seeking to isolate their kids from the world…and even from our youth group!

My first impressions of homeschooling were not that positive.

And I had no grid to evaluate it.

I grew up attending public schools in my small town in Florida. There were no other options. I had never heard of a "Christian school" and certainly not a "home school." Everyone in our town went to the local schools. I sat between the same two students–Edwards-Foster-Freeman-for most of the grades that I can remember. My parents knew most of the teachers. On Friday nights, we all went to the high school football game to watch Clay High get beat (more often than not) by the other high schools in the area. 

That was "school." I couldn't imagine anything too much different.

But when I started having my own children in 1998, the issue of schooling became more than a casual topic of discussion. By the time my oldest was 4, we began thinking about our schooling options. Christian school was out of the question. We simply didn't have the money. Public school was an option but we didn't know the schools, didn't know the teachers, and didn't how our child would do in such a setting. The public schools in central Jersey were nothing like the schools that I or my wife grew up in. Perhaps we were fearful…but as parents of 3 children under five, I think that comes with the territory. So we decided to homeschool. My wife was blessed to be able to stay at home and was more than capable for the task (with a Christian education background and an Army colonel for a dad). Our plan was to evaluate year after year and adjust as necessary.

We have kept evaluating but have never adjusted.

We are now ten years into homeschooling and I have clearly seen its benefits for our family. But I would never pontificate that everyone should homeschool. That would be naive and short-sighted. Not every family will have the same experiences or opportunities…or the same convictions.

Each family is unique.

Each child is unique.

It is that last statement, however, that makes me say that each family should at least consider homeschooling as one of their schooling options.

Each of our children are different. Same parents. Very different personalities…and passions. One likes reading and researching. One likes music and arts. One likes debating and thinking on his feet. One likes Legos and cheese quesadillas. Okay, not every difference can be catered to in your homeschool curriculum but many things can. As parents, we know our children best…and want the best for them…and I think can teach them best. At least when they are young.

As they get older, the options are endless. Latin. Piano. Guitar. Speech & Debate. Taekwondo. Swimming. Computers. Arts. Cooking. Photography. Video editing. Scrabble clubs. Reading. Politics. Community service. College prep. We have exposed them to as many subjects and activities as we can…through the skills and resources of other homeschool parents and in the local community…and we have watched them gravitate toward certain subjects and blossom as young men. And best of all most of the homeschool curriculum is accomplished before noon, leaving the afternoons and evenings free for family time or other activities.

Of course, homeschooling is not without its warts. 

My wife is tired at the end of a long day of teaching four boys. Distractions can be hard to manage. Schedules can be hard to maintain. And the "free spirited" child can be hard to corral. 

And we have to be careful that we do not isolate too much or expect too much or simply see too much of each other during the day. 

That's why we have intentionally involved our children in programs and activities outside of our home. My boys have no shortage of relationships with people of all ages, races, backgrounds, and perspectives. And because of the benefits of college prep, my two older ones are now taking college classes at a local university where they are being exposed to the culture, language, context, and challenges of college while still being able (and willing) to receive guidance from us. 

So that's been our experience with homeschooling. And the experience of many others we have talked to. 

But that doesn't mean every parent should homeschool or could homeschool or would even want to homeschool. 

And it doesn't mean that we shouldn't do everything we can to improve our local public schools…and support more options for those students who are trapped in failing schools. In Louisiana, for instance, the legislature recently passed a law allowing for school vouchers to give every family/student a real choice in education. Unfortunately our own federal Department of Justice is fighting it. Seems that many would rather have a failing monopoly than a thriving arena of competition and innovation. But that's another topic for another day.

In the end, each parent must make the best choice that they can given their circumstances and the temperament of their children.

But for those considering homeschooling….

It is legal. And I pray that it will stay that way.

It is effective. Studies consistently show homeschooling costs less and often has better outcomes than other schooling options.

And it isn't weird. 

At least it's not for two million children in the U.S. and for four boys I know here in Louisiana.

http://www.topmastersineducation.com/homeschooled

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What’s the Big Deal about Sex?

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Steve Foster

Even the casual observer would have to admit that our society has an obsession with sex. 

Sex sells. 

Everything from razors and mouthwash to Uncle Ben's rice. Practically every commercial on TV either uses sex to gain attention or mentions how to cure some sexual dysfunction…as long as you are not on nitrates for a heart condition. 

Sex is everywhere.

Sitcoms joke about it. Movies feature it. Magazines give advice about it…right there in the grocery line next to the candy and chewing gum. 

Billboards display it. Talk shows analyze it. Music celebrates it…even allowing a 20-year old Disney star to simulate it on stage. 

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

The internet makes it accessible anywhere, any time, any way you want it. 

Even if you don't want it.

Image searches on Google almost invariably bring up a soft pornographic image (even with Safe Search on). News pages regularly feature two to three articles highlighting some sex-laden story or topic…usually with a sexual image to entice the reader…or viewer…to take a peek. Check your email and get ready for a few flashing advertisements showing you available singles in your area. Wow, thanks, Yahoo.

Of course, when statistics tell us that 1 out of every 5 searches on a mobile device, and 1 out of every 8 searches online, are for pornography, then I guess you can argue that the internet is simply giving us what we want. 

But what's the big deal? It is just sex, isn't it? Just a physical act between consenting adults…or liberated youth. Why be prudish about it? Why act like sex is something pure, beautiful, exclusive, precious, sacred? 

As a society, we have cheapened sex. And we are proud of it. 

But deep down we know that sex is something more than a physical act. There is a reason that sex is practically worshiped in our society. There is a reason that people pursue it like an addictive drug. There is a reason we still recoil in disgust when we hear about its abuse. 

Sex touches our soul.  

Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).

There is something about sex that sets it apart. That makes it different. That impacts us like nothing else.

God designed it that way.

Sex was designed to unite two people–male and female–into a lifelong covenant of intimacy, security, and vulnerability. It was designed to "glue" them together, to weave them into one, to point them to the closest union, strongest love, purest joy found only in Christ. 

Sex is not an end in itself. It is a signpost to something greater.

It is not just an "act." It is a sacrament.

When God wanted to illustrate the intimate union that He would have with His people, He created sex within marriage…oneness between a loving, sacrificial man and his pure, beautiful bride…Christ and the church.

…We are members of His body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great—but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:30-32).

That's why sex, outside of God's design, does not ultimately satisfy.

It entices. It tantalizes. It thrills. It seems almost "divine."

For a moment.

But then it vanishes. And leaves a wake of emptiness, loneliness, and a pang for something more.

Unfortunately, the hunger for "more" leads one further away from God, further into desperation, further into immorality. Like a cheap drug, illicit sex promises more than it can deliver. And the more one pursues it, the more it brings diminishing returns. Instead of the beauty of intimacy, it brings the bondage of addiction…and often the bane of abuse.

Welcome back to the ancient pagan religions. Our society is not progressing. We are regressing. We are becoming sexual idolaters. And we will sacrifice everything…even our babies and our children…for our new "god."

Christianity doesn't diminish sex. It blesses it. It purifies it. It preserves it. It heightens it.

As Ben Patterson notes:

The pleasures and goodness of sex are heightened, not lessened by proper restraint, in the same way the Colorado River is made more powerful by the walls of the Grand Canyon. The very narrowness of the river's channel there makes for a greater river. Farther south, as the river flows through the deserts of California and Arizona, it is shallow, wide, and muddy, even stinky in spots. Wider boundaries diminish the river; sharper, stronger, and narrower boundaries strengthen it. Less is more. The boundaries and proscriptions of sex in the Bible are for the sake of sex. Again, less is more–at least less as understood by one man and one woman together exclusively till death parts them. (Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, ed. by John Piper, 52)

Yes, believe it or not, sex according to God's design is the most satisfying.

Only within the security of marriage can a couple increasingly become vulnerable with each other and experience the true intimacy of sexual union.

No barriers. No fear. No shame.

Love instead of lust.

Self-giving instead of self-gratification.

Increasing joy instead of diminishing returns.

And this doesn't happen over night. It takes a lifetime.

Powerful. Beautiful. Intimate. Pure. Holy. Exclusive. Pleasureable.

Naked…physically, emotionally, spiritually…and unashamed.

That is sex as God designed it.

And that's a big deal.

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Holy Flesh

Posted on August 2, 2013 by Steve Foster
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
 
Here is Paul's ultimate motivation for avoiding sexual immorality and living a holy life. Typically when we try to motivate people toward avoiding sin, we talk about the dangers of sin and the benefits of living righteously. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, Paul has already done that in this passage (6:12-18). But rarely do we go to the next step and give the higher motivation for righteous living. 
 
My body is the very dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. 
 
This should blow our circuits. It would have blown the circuits of the average Jew, that's for sure. The temple…the holiest place on earth…the Holy of Holies…the place that could only be entered once a year and only by the high priest and only with blood…is now my body. I am God's temple. This piece of flesh. These arms, these legs, these eyes, these ears, this mouth. I am to be the holiest place on earth. I am to be the place that people meet God. 
 
How is this possible?
 
For you were bought with a price.
 
Jesus Christ redeemed me. He bought me out of the slave market of sin…with His precious, infinite, invaluable blood. For you know that you were redeemed from your empty way of life inherited from the fathers, not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without defect or blemish (1 Peter 1:18-19). 
 
Through faith alone in Christ alone…I have been purchased, regenerated, redeemed.
 
I am no longer my own. 
 
I can no longer claim, "Hey, it's my body. I can do what I want. Who are you to tell me what to do?" It is not my body. It is His. Actually it was never my body to begin with. It was given to me. And though it is my responsibility…it is mine…it is me. It is also under the ownership of someone else. Before Christ, it was under the ownership of sin. Now, in Christ, it is under the ownership of God.
 
I am under new management. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come. 
 
Therefore glorify God in your body.
 
Take this piece of flesh. Take these hands, these feet, these eyes, these ears, this mouth…and yes, even these sexual parts. And use them…in God's will…with God's power…for God's glory. 
 
And here's the awesome part…in giving myself away in obedience, I find everything that I desperately wanted in sin.
 
I find the beauty and joy of holiness.
 
God is glorified. I am satisfied.
 
In this holy temple of flesh.
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22 Things I Have Learned in 22 Years of Marriage

Posted on June 22, 2013 by Steve Foster

On June 22, I reached the point where I have been married for half my life. Married at 22 years old and married for 22 years. It has been an awesome adventure and I wouldn't trade the past 22 years of marriage for anything else this world could offer. In honor of our 22nd anniversary on June 22, here are 22 things that I have learned about marriage.

1. Love deepens over time. I certainly loved Liz when I married her 22 years ago but I really didn't understand the depths of love or what it really meant to love someone. Love is only built on knowledge, commitment, and intimacy developed and experienced over time. 

2. To have a good marriage marry a good person. I wish I could take more credit for the health of my marriage but in reality I was just blessed to marry a godly woman with strong character. She has been the perfect complement for me and has made me a better man. The only credit I can take is seeking out a Christian wife with a good testimony. But the rest was a step of faith and the grace of God. 

3. Marriage doesn't resolve your personal issues rather it exposes them. If you go into marriage thinking that your spouse will solve all your problems, fill all your voids, and meet all your deepest needs, then you will be sorely disappointed. You must bring emotional and spiritual health into the marriage, not expect emotional and spiritual health to come from the marriage. 

4. The first year of marriage is one of the toughest…and honeymoons are fairly disappointing. I can't say that our honeymoon or our first year of marriage were "bad." They had their fun, enjoyable moments. But, looking back, they were definitely not the "perpetual moments of bliss" that I dreamed they would be. Instead they were much more awkward, stressful, and difficult than I could have expected.

5. Don't go to bed angry with each other. One of the few pieces of advice that we grabbed onto early in our marriage was from Ephesians 4:26, Don't let the sun go down on your anger. We have stuck to that piece of advice…even when it meant staying up late to have a difficult conversation…and it has kept our marriage from a lot of misunderstanding and bitterness.

6. Don't play competitive games against your spouse. Maybe some marriages can handle this but we can't. Our first fight was over a game of Boggle. Yes, Boggle. I questioned her score and she questioned my trust in her. Fun stuff. We are both competitive and we found it almost impossible to play against each other without it resulting in some unneeded tension. We have chosen to be on the same team as much as possible ever since.

7. Work as a team. Piggybacking on the above, we have sought to tackle things in life as a team instead of as competitors. Instead of letting an issue divide us, we have tried to use it to bring us together. A problem is either an opportunity to work together as a team or ammunition to use in a war. We have strived to choose the former. Praying together and serving together in ministry have reinforced the "team mentality" in our marriage.

8. Move away from home. Okay, maybe this doesn't work or isn't necessary for everyone but for us it was a blessing to be away from our parents and families during the early years of our marriage. We were forced to grow together as a couple apart from the "roles" that we often play in our families. This is the "leave principle" in Genesis 2:24 and it must be done emotionally if not geographically. 

9. Avoid debt. Again, some people can't avoid this but being free from debt in the early years of our marriage took a lot of stress off our backs. We have kept a tight lid on our finances throughout our marriage…operating from a tangible but flexible budget…and it has removed one big marital problem off the table for us. 

10. Parenting is a major stress on marriage. Our biggest fights and frustrations came after we had our first little bundle of joy. Tiredness. Different parenting approaches. Lack of free time. Responsibility. Irritableness. Unmet expectations. All of it came to a head with our first child. Thankfully we had seven years of marriage under our belt to help us work through it but it was a major stressor nonetheless. People who think that having a child will strengthen a weak marriage or correct a poor relationship are living in a fantasy world. 

11. Share email accounts, Facebook, and computers. For us this has been a simple way to avoid potential temptations and distractions in our marriage.

12. Avoid any kind of marital scorekeeping. Scorekeeping is a killer to marriages. "I've done this, this, and this…and you have only done this… thus you owe me." We got trapped in this thinking briefly after having kids. Thankfully we recognized it and stopped it.

13. Marry your best friend. Physical attraction is certainly a real element in choosing a mate but in the end it won't make or preserve a good marriage. I found that even when we were not officially dating, Liz and I kept spending time together. Our friendship has made our marriage…and our physical attraction…that much stronger. 

14. Learn to appreciate your differences. Liz and I are very different. She is decisive, blunt, cut and dry, and loves discipline and schedules. I am more indecisive, contemplative, creative, and love a more laid back approach. She can manage many things; I prefer to focus on one thing at a time. When we were dating, we were attracted by the differences. A few years into marriage, we became a little more aggravated by the differences. But over time, by God's grace, we have become amused by the differences. We have learned to laugh at ourselves and the different ways we do things…and to appreciate how we both have grown by being married to someone different than ourselves. As Ruth Bell Graham once said, "If two people agree on everything, then one of them is unnecessary."

15. Plan weekly date nights. After having kids, this is especially essential for a marriage. We have made a weekly date night a priority in our marriage. Usually we use a coupon or a gift card for dinner and then find a coffee shop to hang out in to talk about our week and take a "pulse" of our marriage and family. Our kids know that our marriage relationship with each other takes priority over over our parenting relationship to them…and they are thankful for it! It is awesome to hear them say, "Hey, aren't y'all taking a date night soon?"  

16. Take note of each other's "love language." The love language thing can be taken overboard but it has been something that we have noted in our marriage. The best way for me to say "I love you" to Liz is to do acts of service for her–wash the dishes, pick up around the house, clean the bathrooms. For me, I need to hear words of encouragement. The funny thing is that we discovered early on that gift giving is not high on either of our lists. We both returned our first Christmas gifts to each other. Since then, we have decided to shop together for things we want and simply go out to eat together on special occasions. 

17. Sleep in a small bed. Okay, again this is just our experience but we have never owned a bed bigger than a full size. It has kept us close at night and not allowed us to retreat to our own corner of the bed in times of conflict. 

18. Intimacy is built on security. I think I am finally beginning to understand Genesis 2:25, They were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. It is more than just a physical thing. It is a feeling of total vulnerability with your spouse that only comes from the security of a lifelong commitment reinforced over time. Intimacy is only bulit on vulnerability and vulnerability only comes within security. It is awesome to experience a relationship with no barriers, hidden agendas, fears, or regrets. 

19. Marry young. I certainly recognize that this isn't always possible…or wise. But for us, marrying at a relatively young age (22 and 20) enabled us to grow together through the early stages of adulthood. We developed our life patterns together, aligned our life direction together, faced life decisions together, and were forced to grow in responsibility and commitment sooner. 

20. Sexual purity is worth it. Remaining sexually pure as a young adult was one of the toughest challenges I have ever faced, yet looking back I am so glad that I made that commitment. Enjoying intimacy with my wife with no other thoughts of anyone else brings a closeness that I can't imagine being any better.

21. Monogamy is worth it. I am convinced that being committed to one woman over time brings the highest sexual satisfaction. Sexual intimacy is definitely a learning process that only gets better and better over time.  

22. Marriage is a blessing from God. With divorce rates on the rise, cohabitation the norm, and redefinition the trend, marriage is on the ropes in many respects. But I have found that trusting God's design and following God's ways has made our marriage as strong and as satisfying as any human relationship can be. I give God the glory for His good gift of marriage. And if the intimacy keeps getting better and the love keeps growing deeper then I can't wait for the next 22 years! 

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