HEELCATCHER

I am not 20 any more.

That is a hard lesson to learn. At 44, I wouldn’t call myself “ancient.” But I am at that transitional stage when your mind still thinks you’re in your 20’s or 30’s and your body frequently reminds you that you’re not.

My most recent reminder came two weeks ago after a round of golf.

That’s right, golf. The most strenuous of exercises…and most glorious of games ;>).

I played 18 holes and carried my bag for the first time in a few years. I stretched my typical amount on the first tee and played a great round. Hit the ball well. Hit my drives far. Made some key putts. Beat my dad.

But the next morning a shooting pain started pulsating in my left shoulder. It was the most intense pain I could ever remember feeling. And it wouldn’t let up. It felt like a doctor gave me a shot and instead of taking out the needle, he decided to keep twisting it around in my shoulder.

I needed relief so I started popping ibuprofen like it was candy. The pain was dulled but quickly came back.

Soon I added a rotation of aspirin and Alleve, which made the pain bearable but still uncomfortable. Icy Hot just made my shoulder feel hotter. Tiger Balm made my shoulder stink.

Nights were the worst. I am typically a belly sleeper but that wouldn’t work. I couldn’t move on my left side either. The only mildly comfortable position was on my right side with my left arm extended over my head. That got me a few hours of sleep…and a bunch of weird dreams about trying to ask a teacher a question in class.

Over the course of two weeks, the pain refused to subside. My regiment of ibuprofen, Alleve, and aspirin continued while my sleep worsened. I was desperate for some relief so I called a chiropractor who could see me that day.

After asking a few diagnostic questions, this chiropractor proceeded to lie me on a table and take a small jackhammer to my neck and back. I have been to a chiropractor before but I never remember the jackhammer. This man told me prior to the procedure that he did things differently than the typical chiropractor. I quickly realized that I wanted the typical chiropractor.

So still in pain, I called another chiropractor who could see me the next day. This one asked a few more questions and sounded more…chiropractorly. Based on an old MRI and my symptoms (which now included numbness in my left hand), the culprit of my pain seemed to be in my spinal cord not my shoulder. So the chiropractor recommended a number of visits and procedures.

It started with electroshock treatment to my shoulder which made my neck feel like it was doing jelly rolls. Next was massage therapy. Hey, that sounded like a relief! Until the therapist said, “This isn’t going to be pleasant.” She proceeded to jab her thumb repeatedly into my neck to try to loosen my tightened neck muscles. She was right. It wasn’t pleasant. She ended the session by saying that the chiropractor probably wouldn’t be as gentle.

Again she was right.

A few pounding adjustments on my shoulder blades, sending funny bone like shocks down my left arm, were followed by the infamous “rip the man’s head off while rotating it to make all kinds of bone cracks” chiropractor move.

The session was done and I felt like I had been mugged in the back alley…sore, in pain, and with less money in my wallet.

Finally I got an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. I hesitated to go this route because with a ultra high insurance deductible, I knew I would basically be paying out of pocket. But I quickly realized that I should have started here. The doctor did extensive tests to rule out a shoulder injury or carpal tunnel issues. Yes, all indications were that the problem was located in C5-C6 of my spine–a pinched nerve which I had suffered five years earlier. But back then I only had the numbness…not the shooting pain.

The doctor advised physical therapy, gave me some increased doses of Alleve, and then gave me a shot of cortisone in the hip. I had never received a cortisone shot before but in a few hours I became a big fan. For the first time in two weeks, the pain was gone…and I felt like jogging around the block for fun.

Today began physical therapy. And though the numbness is still there, the pain has subsided and I feel like I am on the right track with exercises and specialized treatment. My wallet will be lighter, but I guess that will take even more pressure off my spine.

So what have I learned these past two weeks?

1. Don’t take normal health for granted. It is amazing how good “no pain” feels when you are in constant pain. Last night I was thankful for painless sleep. Today I am thankful for a painless shoulder. Every body part that is not in pain is a cause for thanksgiving. A normally functioning body is so easily taken for granted.

2. Pain is hard to ignore. I tried to work through the pain and continue my normal routine…and for the most part I did. But it was hard to focus on anything but the pain. And lack of sleep added to my grumpiness and depression. I gained a whole new appreciation for those in chronic pain. And I can see why people in pain look for any and all remedies that promise relief.

3.  The best solution to pain requires the right diagnosis, compassionate care, temporary relief, and lasting life change. Maybe I am drawing too many applications, especially since I am not out of the woods yet, but I can’t help but see the parallel between physical and spiritual/emotional health. The solution to my physical pain only came when someone properly diagnosed it, listened to my symptoms and concerns, provided some avenue of temporary relief, and put me on the path to exercises that can alleviate the problem in the future.

I think the same can be said when dealing with spiritual/emotional pain. I need truth coupled with compassion…relief accompanied with responsibility. Or put another way… I need courage to face my problem. A companion to help me though it. Comfort to take the edge off. Conviction to make a change.

Maybe with the aches of age also comes a little wisdom.

²⁴He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. ²⁵For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (1 Peter 2:24-25)

When Jesus was on the cross, He bore my sins. He carried them. Every stubborn, foolish, stupid, selfish thought, decision, and action I have every made was placed on Jesus. He bore them all…all mine, all yours. It is a wild thought. I wasn’t even born yet. My great-great-great-great grandfather wasn’t even thought of yet. But Jesus bore my sins. They are paid for. They are covered. There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Wow. I no longer have to live in guilt or fear. My sins…all of them…are forgiven.

Why did Jesus do this? Out of love. To save us from eternal condemnation. And Peter says, “…So that we might die to sins and live for righteousness.” Jesus saved us from sin…not only to give us eternal life but also to free us from the bondage and deception of sin in this life and enable us to live in righteousness.

We are so deceived. Deep down we still think that sin has some good elements to it. It is fun, enticing, exciting. Let the eyes linger a little longer. What’s the harm? Let the thought circulate in the mind a little longer. It doesn’t hurt anyone. We flirt with sin all the time because we have no idea how ugly it is, how deceptive it is, how destructive it is. Jesus says, “Look at my beaten body. Look at my stripes. Look at my pain. Look at my disfigurement. This is what sin does to your soul. Look at me and then live for righteousness.”

Imagine it this way…we were in massive debt. We had creditors everywhere. We had people knocking on our door ready to take everything from us. Every wage we had ever earned or would ever earn was going into a bottomless bucket of debt. We had no hope of escaping the hole. In fact, with every day, the hole got deeper and deeper. We were stressed, depressed, and hopeless. Death seemed like a better option than life. Then a relative came to our house one day and, out of love, offered to pay everything off. He sacrificed all he had to pay every one of our creditors off. When he was done, he turned to us and said, “You are totally free from debt. Now go live in freedom.”

Only a fool would turn around and go right back to spending recklessly. Only someone who had no idea of the bondage of debt or no sense of the love of the sacrificing relative would take advantage of this situation to selfishly spend more. Instead a wise person, a truly grateful person, a humbled person would deeply love and appreciate the sacrifice of the relative, celebrate the freedom, and live responsibly (avoiding debt) and generously (sharing the blessings that they had received).

That is what Jesus has done for us.

Now that we have returned to the Shepherd, to the Lover and Guardian of our souls, we should no longer seek to go astray.

Thank You, Lord, for the freedom of forgiveness! May I live in gratitude, joy, and generosity today. 

I finished reading the book of Jonah today and was again struck by the final chapter.

9 But God said to Jonah, “Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?”

“I do,” he said. “I am angry enough to die.”

10 But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?” (Jonah 4:9-10)

I am so thankful that Jonah is in the Bible. It is such a clear reminder of God’s grace and faithfulness and our grumpiness and fickleness.

Jonah is upset. In fact, this chapter could be subtitled, “Jonah’s Anger at God” or “Jonah’s Pity Party.” Why is he so upset? Because God is gracious, compassionate, patient, and loving toward the sinful (4:1-3). That sort of strikes us as ironic. In our society, people are normally more upset with God’s justice and wrath. But our context is different than Jonah’s. We are blessed to be in a free country that is prosperous, secure, and relatively peaceful. We can’t imagine being in a small country surrounded by enemies who are powerful, cruel, unrestrained, and eager to take us out. That was the Assyrians. And Jonah had heard of their cruelty and was ready to see them destroyed. Perhaps we could compare Jonah to a victim of a crime who would rather see their perpetrators condemned, skinned, and hanged than forgiven.

In other words, his anger is real…and in his mind, very justified.

But God keeps coming back with a simple question…Do you have a right to be angry?

What a powerful question. In our times of anger, we are usually unwilling to listen or consider what is going on in the depths of our heart. We would rather stew. There is something oddly comforting about anger. It makes us feel powerful…like we are doing something about injustice…that we have a right to complain about life, disregard others, and even stew at God.

But God doesn’t attack Jonah…or lecture him…or give up on him. Instead, He simply asks a question. Do you have a right to be angry?

Jonah is not in the mood for self-reflection so God teaches him through an object lesson. First God allows a little plant to grow up over Jonah’s head and provide him temporal relief from the heat. Then the next day He appoints a little worm to eat the plant and cause it to die. And then God brings about a scorching wind on a hot day to really get Jonah’s sweat flowing and anger stirring again. Jonah is so upset and so stuck in self-pity that he wishes to die. He is probably not serious about wanting God to end his life but have you ever gotten to the point that you said those kind of words to others or to God?

“Hey God, if you are going to treat me like this, why don’t You go ahead and kill me too? What are You waiting for? You don’t seem to care about my misery so why not just end it all?”

Anger, complaining, and self-pity are not our finest traits. They make us irrational, miserable, and generally unpleasant to be around. But for some reason we seem to find comfort in such pitiful, self-focused moods. Nobody loves me…nobody cares about me…nobody has it as bad as me…and on top of that, God has given me the short end of the stick…

And God asks again. Do you have a right to be angry?

Jonah was upset about his personal comfort. He was upset that life was not going as he wanted. He was upset that God did not run the universe like Jonah thought He should. And God gently speaks to his heart and says, “You are so upset about the withering of a little vine that gave temporary shade to your head but don’t have a bit of concern about the lives of 120,000 people who are ignorant of My holiness and grace. Aren’t there bigger things in life than your personal comfort?”

It is a gentle stab at Jonah’s heart. And the book ends there. Why?

Because God intends it to be a gentle stab at my heart too.

Am I really upset that I hit two stop lights this morning? That traffic made me five minutes late for work? That my football team lost? That my boys can’t seem to get in line with my agenda? That my coffee is too hot? That my food is too bland? That my vacation is too short? That my bank account is too small? That I am not getting my way?

Is my life really that petty?

Praise God that He understands my heart and still extends grace to His pouting servant. I know I need it.

But just like Jonah, God isn’t content to leave me in my self-pity and anger but calls me to grow a little more gracious, a little more compassionate, a little more patient, a little more loving, a little bit more like Him each day.