The End of the World?

Posted on January 1, 2012 by Steve Foster

Well, 2012 has begun…and talk of the “end of the world” will certainly increase as the year goes on. The Mayan “Long Count Calendar,” which presumably began on August 11, 3114 BC (according to the best guess of some scholars), will come to completion 5125 years later on December 21, 2012.

Uh oh.

I guess if you are Mayan then this is your Y2K moment when you fear that all your stone calendars and utensils will stop working :>).

Actually I am impressed that the Mayans had such a calendar. They were a resourceful people. And if nothing else, they made sure that their civilization would be talked about 5000 years later. But to derive any other meaning from their Long Count Calendar is obviously hype-filled speculation. The Mayans didn’t have any idea what would happen 5125 years after their calendar began…nor did they care.

But there is something interesting behind all the speculation of the world’s demise. Something inside of us reminds us that our existence is fragile and that the world can not go on forever. Something tells us that the world will eventually end.

And I agree.

Just as the world began at a certain time, it will end at a certain time. The universe is not eternal. It has a beginning and it will have an end. We just don’t know when that end will be. Jesus makes it clear: But of that day and hour no one knows, no, not even the angels of heaven [or the Mayans], but My Father only (Matthew 24:36).

That doesn’t stop the speculation.

I remember reading George Orwell’s 1984 in 1984 and being disturbed at the thought of such an oppressive, intrusive government. Big Brother is watching! I remember being in Bible college and someone giving me 88 Reasons Why the World Will End in 1988. I was bummed that I wouldn’t graduate but glad that my Greek exam might not happen.

Then my first year in ministry in NJ (1999) I spent considerable time dealing with the Y2K issue. Some in the church had read Michael Hyatt’s The Millennial Bug and were stockpiling food and gas supplies and warning others to do the same. I had to remind people that it was wise to be prepared for any unexpected emergency but that fear, speculation, and excessive stockpiling were not to be our response.

Most recently radio preacher Harold Camping made the news for predicting the end of the world on May 21, 2011 and then adjusting it to October 21 when May 21 passed without instance. He quietly retired a few days later on Oct 24…probably 40 years too late.

So how do we respond to all this? How is the Christian to live in light of the “end of the world”?

We are not to be flippant as those who mockingly say, Where is the promise of His coming? Ever since our fathers died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation (2 Peter 3:4).

On the other hand, we are not to be fearful Chicken Littles or dogmatic date-setters who quit our jobs and stand on a mountain waiting for the Lord to take us home (cf. 2 Thessalonians 2:2, 3:10-12).

I think 1 Peter 4:7-10 has the answer. It was back in 1999 when these verses really caught my attention. Ever since then they have been my “go to” verses whenever someone predicts the end of the world or when my own mind wonders how I should live in light of the return of Christ.

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. (1 Peter 4:7-10)

The apostles lived every day in light of Jesus’ return. When Jesus ascended to heaven, they were ready for Him to return (Acts 1:6). Thus Peter lived with his eyes on the skies. But he also lived practically and reasonably, realizing that the return of the Lord, while imminent, could also be thousands of years later.

So since the end of all things is near (it could happen at any moment)…therefore (this is how to live)…

Pray with a level head. Peter doesn’t say freak out, act weird, and walk around with an end of the world sandwich sign. He says be sober-minded and self-controlled so that you can pray effectively. In other words, be observant. Be discerning. Be wise. Be aware of what is happening in the world and also be knowledgeable of Scripture. And pray for God’s glory to be manifested in whatever happens in the day-to-day events of life. God is ultimately in control so fear and panic do not need to dominate the mind of the believer.

Love with a forgiving heart. Instead of becoming obnoxious with people or cursing at the world, Peter says…above all other things…make love a priority. The Great Commandment doesn’t change whether Christ comes back today or 5000 years from now. We are called to love God with the totality of our being and to demonstrate that love by loving others as Christ has loved us. That is our calling…and it is to increase as we see the Day approaching not decrease (cf. Hebrews 10:25). So to live in light of Christ’s return means to live with short accounts. I don’t let any conflict go unresolved because I don’t want to face my Savior with a bitter heart over some petty offense.

Bless others with an open home. Instead of holing yourself up in a cabin in Montana with your shotgun and your MRE’s, Peter says open up your home…and do so without grumbling. Peter is writing to suffering believers who may have grown tired of helping others and just wanted to close up shop and isolate themselves for awhile. Peter says don’t do that…and also don’t help others from some kind of martyr’s complex or sense of duty. Be hospitable with joy. Difficult times may come in 2012. An economic downturn may happen. Persecution may increase. But regardless, we are to be a giving and generous people (as exhibited in an open home) ready to help our fellow brothers and sisters as needed.

Serve with willing hands. Finally Peter says don’t retreat and pull away from the local church, but instead become more involved, using whatever gifts you have for God’s glory. The body of Christ functions best when every believer is doing their part. The worst thing about end-of-the-world-date-setting is that it usually distracts people from God’s work and often creates division in a local church. If you look at those who bought into Camping’s predictions, you often see people who are uninvolved in a local church, critical of it, and eager to follow some kind of different movement. They are tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine and easy prey for deceit (cf. Ephesians 4:14). Being part of a local church keeps me balanced in my thinking, accountable in my actions, and focused on relating to people who are different than me.

So that would be Peter’s advice for the start of 2012. Christ could come back this year. Maranatha! But whether He does or doesn’t, our calling as believers remains consistent.

Pray. Love. Bless. Serve.

With your eyes on the skies.

Posted in Eschatology/Prophecy | Leave a comment

The Danger of a Sanitized Christmas

Posted on December 22, 2011 by Steve Foster

A friend’s dad died this week. Just like that. Literally in an instant. One minute he is breathing, living, relating to his family, shopping, planning for Christmas. The next minute he is in eternity. With God. But away from his family. At Christmas no less, the time that you want your family to be together, the time that you want to be filled with joy and peace, the time that you want life to make sense…if even for a moment.

As I thought about that this week, I realized that we often talk about the danger of a commercialized Christmas. Christmas turned into a money-making, spend yourself into debt, get more stuff commercial holiday…totally removed from the heart and meaning of Christ’s birth.

But there is another more subtle danger that is sometimes easier for us to fall into. A sanitized Christmas. Christmas turned into a Hallmark card with a milky white baby resting peacefully in a straw bed. Cute animals peering in adoration. Clean shepherds on their knees. A placid Joseph and Mary sitting next to their makeshift cradle. And halos sitting on everybody’s heads.

A beautiful picture. Idyllic. Peaceful. Serene. But is it real?

I think of Luke’s short comment about Jesus’ birth. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn (2:7).

No room in the inn. A man with his pregnant wife on the verge of giving birth can’t find a place to stay. They were out-of-towners, arriving at a time when the small town of Bethlehem was overrun with people for the government census. Moods had to be strained. Space was limited. It was every man for himself. And Joseph arrived late to the game.

And so, stressed, tired, and probably scared to death, Joseph does the best he can. He finds an animal stall perhaps in a nearby cave. That is where his wife will deliver their first child.

I grew up with cows and chickens in the backyard. I know that where there are animals, there is lots of dung. Lots of flies. Lots of stink. We never gave a bath to our cows.

Mary goes into labor in a barn…with only her husband, the carpenter, to help her deliver.

Alone. Ostracized. In pain. And nobody seems to care.

There is no indication that Mary’s labor was easier because she bore the Savior of the world. The birthing process had to be painful. That was the curse of Adam’s sin (cf. Gen. 3:16). The One who would bear our pain brought pain on that night.

Joseph would be the only one to help Mary through her painful labor. With only the animals watching. And the flies buzzing around.

This baby would be born in the most unsanitized of conditions.

She laid him in a manger. After the delivery, Joseph scrambles to find whatever he can. Supplies were limited. He grabs a feeding trough, also known as a manger, dumps out the morsels of food and fills it with whatever clean hay he can find. The umbilical cord is cut with an old knife that he has in his bag.

She wrapped Him in swaddling cloths. Strips of cloth. Mary and Joseph have very few clean clothes but they take what they have and tear it into smaller strips so that they can wrap the baby tightly, warmly. The same process used to wrap a dead body is used to wrap their newborn baby. The baby who was born to die.

The first and perhaps only visitors that night (the wise men came much later) are a group of shepherds. Not the clean shaven guys with the nice white and blue robes and the cute little lamb in their arms. No, the rough guys who hadn’t bathed in weeks, if not months. Considered unclean by the Jews. Smelly. Outcasts. They are the ones who show up to welcome the child and provide some brief companionship and comfort to the new, tired parents.

Blood. Stench. Dirt. Dung. Flies.

Alone. Unwelcome. Ostracized.

Pain. Labor. Life…and reminders of death.

Not the picture that we normally have of Christmas. How would you paint that on a Hallmark card? What would it say on the inside? “Hope your Christmas is better than the experience of these people.”

But there is real hope in the unsanitized Christmas.

Jesus Christ was not born to make our world a little better, to make the winter months more bearable, to make life and death a little more tolerable. He wasn’t born into a world with a few problems needing improvement.

Jesus was born into a world of sin…a world of pain, sorrow, stench, betrayal, rejection, dung, flies, and death…a world separated from God. A world without hope. A world needing a Savior.

You shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins (Matthew 1:21).

In the unsanitized Christmas we see two things.

We see sin. The cancer of creation. The rebellion from our Creator. The selfishness that courses through our veins. We have no room for God. We want our own way. We want God to bow to us. And all of creation groans under the weight of sin’s curse. The world is not the way it is supposed to be. We are not the way we are supposed to be. And death seems to have the final word.

And we see Jesus. “Jehovah saves.” God in the act of salvation.

His birth was God invading our world.

His death was God bearing our sin.

His resurrection was God conquering our enemy, death.

And His return will be God wiping away our tears.

Even the tears of Christmas…when we miss our loved ones the most.

Posted in Christmas Devotionals | 1 Comment

Why I Care about Tim Tebow

Posted on December 12, 2011 by Steve Foster

I first heard about Tim Tebow from my parents. They told me about a homeschooler who was lighting up the high school football field near our hometown in FL. They said he was a solid Christian kid who played QB, ran like a fullback, and had a knack for winning…and that he had committed to go to the University of Florida to play football.

I didn’t care too much. I didn’t like the Gators. I was a Florida State Seminole fan–the Gators’ arch-enemy on the football field.

In Tebow’s freshman year at UF, the Gators made it to the national championship game. He was the back-up QB to Chris Leak but already the Gator fans were calling him “Superman.” He had come in sporadically during the season to score touchdowns, what every fan loves. His ability to run, pass, and bust through the line made him a triple threat at the goal line.

I thought that the whole “Tebow  craze” was way too premature. He had barely done anything on the field and the praise seemed to be destined for disappointment. Who can live up to that kind of hype?

Plus I still didn’t like the Gators.

But the next season Tebow won the Heisman Trophy as a sophomore and then another national championship as a junior. The Tebow craze in FL was growing rather than diminishing. And just about everyone in my family (parents, siblings, nephews, nieces) was talking about Tim Tebow and wearing #15 Gator jerseys.

At the time, my family lived in NJ and fevered interest in college football rarely crossed the Mason-Dixon line. It’s hard to get into college football when Rutgers is your state team.

But my four boys picked up on the Tebow mania and soon they were wearing #15 jerseys too. I didn’t mind. My interest in Florida State football had waned and I couldn’t help but root for a young man who seemed to have such a passionate and sincere faith in Jesus Christ. What better role model could you want for your kids?

And the more I read about Tim Tebow, the more I liked him. He was down to earth, liked and respected by his teammates, involved in charity and mission work, and a great football player. I had never seen a player with so much passion on the football field…and so much passion for Christ off of it as well.

Sports Illustrated ran a cover story about Tim Tebow in their July 27, 2009 magazine. The title was “You Gotta Love Tim Tebow” with the tag line: “He’s a Heisman Trophy winner and a two-time national champion, but the Florida quarterback will tell you he does his most important and rewarding work off the football field.” http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1158168/index.htm

I read the article and was more impressed. Tebow was using his platform as a college football player to minister in prisons, do charity work overseas, and sponsor community service initiatives on campus. Not only was he involved in ministry himself but he was influencing his fellow teammates and the entire culture at UF in the same direction. No small feat.

I became a fan.

When Tebow was drafted by the Denver Broncos in the first round of the NFL draft, I listened to all the NFL analysts and pundits critique his ability to play QB and the wisdom of Josh McDaniels (Denver’s coach at the time) making such a move to get Tebow. Many analysts didn’t see Tebow as worthy of any more than a 3rd or 4th round draft selection. “He is better suited to be a fullback or a tight end than a QB” was the standard mantra. But there he was in the first round wearing a Broncos hat with Josh McDaniels vowing to play him as his QB.

Tebow didn’t play much until the end of his first season and by that time McDaniels was fired as coach of the Broncos. It seemed that the “Tebow experiment” would end in Denver and Tebow would pass into the night (no pun intended) as a back-up QB or a converted fullback on some other team.

Then this season happened. A Denver team 1-4 and dead in the water reluctantly gave the reins to Tim Tebow. Many believe that the real intent of the Denver coach and the GM was to watch him fail on the football field so that the Denver fans would come to their senses and stop chanting his name in the stands.The fact that Denver traded away their top receiver (Brandon Lloyd) after Tebow became the starter suggests that they had mailed in the season and were already looking to the next.

But somehow in the first game Tebow won…and then he kept winning even after getting pummeled by the Detroit Lions in his second game.

Every win was ugly…and somewhat miraculous (from a football perspective).

Here is the basic script. For 50 minutes of the game, Tebow looks terrible. He barely makes a first down and completes few of his passes. The critics on blog lines start making Tebow jokes and laughing at the idiocy of Tebow fans. Then in the last minutes of the fourth quarter, Tebow leads a feverish comeback where he runs stronger, completes more passes, and inspires his teammates to a higher level of play. When the final seconds tick off the clock…or when overtime ends…Denver somehow wins.

7-1 as a starter. Six straight wins. From last to first in their division.

I am sure it has been done before. There are other QB’s who have engineered fourth quarter comebacks. But something about the Broncos season has captured the attention of the media…and it primarily centers on Tim Tebow. The QB who isn’t supposed to be a QB. The college football player who isn’t supposed to be in the NFL. And ironically the young man who isn’t even supposed to be alive. Tebow’s mom was advised to abort him because he wasn’t supposed to be a normal, healthy baby. It’s a storyline that seems too good to be true…and a storyline that doesn’t excite the pro-abortion crowd who probably wishes that Tebow would just go away.

As a pastor, I try to keep sports in perspective. I know that, from an eternal perspective, winning a football game doesn’t matter. There are almost always believers on both teams and to pray for one team to win over another seems pointless and misguided at best.

But for some reason I am praying that the Broncos keep winning. It is not a prayer on the top of my list by any means…and to be honest I have never truly verbalized it in a prayer to God. It is more of an “unspoken request” :>).

More than anything I want to see Tim Tebow continue to use the platform of NFL football to point people to Christ, to minister to others, and to change the culture of the Broncos team, the city of Denver, and possibly many others in this sports nation.

Is that unrealistic? Is that weird? Is that taking sports too far?

I wonder…if God were to raise up a modern-day Dwight L. Moody or Billy Graham in our culture…if He wanted to use a person to capture the consciousness of the particular American society in which we now live…could He use a sports star, an NFL QB?

Maybe He wouldn’t because it would feed our already out-of-control sports addiction. Or maybe He wouldn’t because it would cause too many people to associate God’s blessing with winning a football game.  But, on the other hand, maybe He would. If God speaks in a language that we can understand, then maybe sports is the only language that many in our culture understand today. Maybe He would use a football player…just like He wants to use a pastor, a policeman, a politician, a plumber, or a parent…to be a powerful witness for Him.

Is it crazy to believe that God could use Tim Tebow to awaken a spiritual desire in the heart of a spiritually dead, distracted, and cynical society?

I can’t say…and won’t say…that God wants the Broncos to win or that He orchestrates plays on the football field to Tebow’s favor. But I can say that God wants His name to be proclaimed and His work to be accomplished and, if Tebow is willing to be used by Him, then God just may bless his efforts and multiply his impact…both on and off the field.

Whether the Broncos win or lose a football game ultimately doesn’t matter. Whether Tim Tebow  succeeds or fails on the football field ultimately doesn’t matter.  Only the life-giving message of Jesus Christ ultimately matters. And those who have a passion for Christ, as Tebow has, should pray that his influence increases, his integrity remains intact, and that his ministry field expands to the glory of God.

So that’s why I care about Tim Tebow.

Because, in Christ, we are on the same team.

Posted in Random Thoughts | 2 Comments

Raising a Modern-Day Light

Posted on November 24, 2011 by Steve Foster

I meant to write this post several months ago. I didn’t. So I am writing it now.

My oldest son, Nate, turned 13 this year. Besides making me feel old, it also was a reminder of the great responsibility that I have as a father to my sons. I only get one shot at this…and the time passes so quickly. I want to redeem the time and make the most of every opportunity (Ephesians 5:16).

One of the books that inspired and impressed me was Robert Lewis’ Raising a Modern-Day Knight. Lewis is the former pastor of Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock and his book detailed some of the “manhood ceremonies” and traditions that he established in raising his sons. Lewis used a knight theme as a way to instill in his sons the ideas of honor, integrity, and bravery. I liked the ideas but just couldn’t get into the knight theme. No offense to King Arthur and his round table but I knew I needed to come up with my own ideas.

Here are the traditions and “rites of passage” that I have started and am doing with my sons. Since Nate is the oldest, he has become the “guinea pig” for them all. So far they have seemed to work and to leave a strong impression on him. Maybe there is something that you can take from them as well.

Yearly Birthday Dinner. About five years ago, I started taking my sons out for a special lunch/dinner on their birthdays. It is just my son and me. I let them pick the place to eat. When they were younger, they wanted to go to Chick Fil-A. Now their tastes are getting a little more expensive. Nate has chosen a Japanese steakhouse the past few years. During the meal, I use the time to hear their best memories from the past year, see how they are doing spiritually, and ask if they have any questions for me or issues with our parenting. Typically nothing major comes up but it at least opens up the door for future communication.

10-Year Old Night Out. On their 10th birthday, I wanted to do something a little more special so I decided to take them away for a night. Nate and I went away to a Christian retreat center (America’s Keswick in NJ) and spent the night there. Keswick has an Olympic size pool and other activities so I figured the two days together would be fun. But when we arrived, I found out that their pool and most of their other activities were closed since they only opened when large groups were staying on site. I thought the time might be boring for Nate but he didn’t mind at all. That night we walked around the lake together. We talked about God, life, sports, girls, and whatever else came up. Along the way, he took me by the hand and thanked me for being his father. I knew at that moment that the night away meant a lot more to him than I could have imagined. The next day we played the only two activities still available–frisbee golf and raquetball. We had a blast. As soon as we got home, Noah, my second son, asked where we were going on his 10th birthday. The precedent had been set.

On this 10th birthday trip, I take the time to have the “sex talk” with my boys. I use Carol Nystrom’s God’s Design for Sex series. We read through Book Two together and talk about it. I want my boys to understand the beauty of sex and God’s design for it. I also want them to know that they can talk to me about any sexual issue or ask any sexual question. The night away affords a great opportunity for this interaction.

13-Year Old Special Trip. While eating lunch one time with a friend, he mentioned that when his kids turned 13 he asked them where they wanted to go in the US and then he took them there for a special 2-3 day trip. The idea struck a chord in my mind. I knew the expense could be a challenge but, at the same time, I knew the potential benefits could be priceless (sort of like the Mastercard commercials). Out of curiosity one night when Nate was around 12 1/2, I asked him, “If you could go anywhere in the US, where would you want to go?” To my surprise, he said without hesitation, “The Grand Canyon.” That resonated with me because I wanted to see the Grand Canyon too!

I looked at my OnePass miles and I had enough for one flight. I checked into flights to Phoenix and the costs were reasonable. I talked with Liz and we decided to go ahead with the plan, knowing full well that in committing to take Nate where he wanted to go we were committing to three more trips with my other three sons.

When I told Nate we were going to the Grand Canyon, his eyes lit up.

Planning the trip with him was almost as fun as the trip itself. I was thinking that we would fly into Phoenix, drive to the Canyon, walk around exploring a little bit, and then come home. Nate had other ideas. He asked, “Can we go whitewater rafting?”

I wasn’t as wild about this idea. I am not an adventure seeker. I have been whitewater rafting on youth trips in Tennessee and in Costa Rica. I went more out of duty than out of joy. The last trip I was on in Costa Rica I was thrown out of the raft. Nothing bad happened as I went down the rapid on my tush but the whole experience made me inwardly vow that that would be my last whitewater trip.

Out of fatherly love I started to research whitewater rafting on the Colorado. I was almost relieved when I saw that there were no one day or two day trips on the Colorado River. But then I found a one-day trip with an Indian tribe called the Hualapai. The more I researched it, the more it looked perfect for what we wanted to do. I made the reservation (no pun intended).

Our trip was phenomenal…and God arranged so many things for us along the way.

We arrived in Phoenix on Monday and drove to Peach Springs, AZ on Route 66. We stayed the night at the Hualapai Lodge. The next day we went whitewater rafting. We were placed in a raft with a family from Northern Ireland. Come to find out they were a Christian family and their teenage children immediately hit it off with Nate. I couldn’t have planned a better whitewater experience…and best of all I didn’t fall out of the boat.

The next morning I planned a “rite of passage” ceremony with Nate. I like the concept of a bar mitzvah and wanted to reproduce it in a small way. I challenged Nate to be a LIGHT–a Leader with Integrity, Grace, Humility, and Truth. I talked about each quality and shared my hopes and dreams for Nate. I read to him what I wrote in my journal when he was born. We cried together and prayed together. I used two candles to symbolize the time. I had him hold his candle in the flame of mine and talked about how in his early years, he borrowed his light from us, his parents. Then I had him pull the candle away. Now as a young adult he needed to personalize his faith and make it his own. As parents, we could help relight his candle for awhile but soon he would be on his own. Together we poured the wax from our candles onto a LIGHT certificate that I made for him. I gave him a leather necklace with a star to remind him of being a LIGHT for Christ in this world.

About mid-morning, we left Peach Springs and headed back toward Phoenix. We stopped and swam at Slide Rock, drove through Sedona, and got to Phoenix in time to watch an Arizona Diamondbacks’ game. We didn’t even know Arizona was playing at home but we saw a billboard when we first got to Phoenix. I looked online, found cheap tickets on StubHub, and got us two tickets a row behind the left field fence. We didn’t catch a home run but at least the Diamondbacks won.

On Thursday morning we flew back to Baton Rouge.

Nate called it the best trip of his life. My prayer is that he will remember it the rest of his life.

I know I will.

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Resolving Conflict

Posted on October 25, 2011 by Steve Foster

Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother (Matthew 18:15).

Matthew 18:7-14 warns us about giving offense to a “little one” either through sinful actions or a sinful attitude. Matthew 18:15-17 deals with our response when we are the ones who are sinned against. Jesus covers both sides of the issue. We can sin against others and we can be sinned against.

So how do we respond when we are sinned against?

1. Have a heart of humility and compassion. The context makes it clear that biblical confrontation begins with a heart broken and humble before the Lord and compassionate and concerned for our fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord. If this is not there, then the confrontation will be self-serving even if the biblical step-by-step method is followed. Confrontation cannot be pursued as a way to make another person feel inferior to us in their Christian walk. Only when I come to the Lord as a “little one,” poor in spirit, broken over my own sin, hungry for His righteousness, and merciful toward others, can I confront with the right heart motive.

I have always loved and been challenged by this quote by Timothy Keller in his book, Counterfeit Gods:

Even in relationships that are not physically violent, but just unfair, you will not do a good job of confronting and correcting wrongdoers unless you first forgive them in your heart. If you don’t forgive the perpetrator, you will overreach in your confrontation. You will be seeking not justice or change but only to inflict pain. Your demands will be excessive and your attitude abusive. The wrongdoer will see the confrontation as intended simply to cause hurt. A cycle of retaliation will begin. Only when you have the lost the inner need to see the other person hurt will you have any chance of actually bringing about justice, change, and healing. (page 191)

2. See the one who sinned against you as a brother/sister. In the context, Jesus is talking about relationships in the community of believers. When someone outside the church sins against us, then we should still seek forgiveness and reconciliation as much as possible (Romans 12:18) but the circumstances and process may be a lot different. For instance, we shouldn’t go alone to someone who just committed a crime against us. We should take the police! But in relationships between professed believers, we should seek the avenue of peace first and foremost. And we should see them as brothers and sisters in Christ. Sometimes whenever another believer sins against us, we immediately doubt their salvation and begin to deride their Christian faith. We forget our own susceptibility to sin and propensity to offend others. We see the speck in their eye and overlook the beam in our own. But biblical confrontation is always in a “family context” seeking peace with my brother or sister in the Lord.

3. Go alone and talk with him alone first. Our first inclination when we are sinned against is to air our grievances to others. We want someone else to hear our pain and sympathize with us….and often agree with us that the other person is just plain evil and insensitive. But if humility is in our heart and reconciliation is our goal, then we go to the person alone and tell them how their actions have gone against God’s Word and hurt us. Practically, this is done with a “spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1). Not “I can’t believe you hurt me. How can you be so insensitive?” but rather “When you told my friends that I was dumb, it deeply hurt me and it was not a helpful thing to say (Ephesians 4:29).”

4. Go praying for restoration. I love how Jesus puts it, “If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” It is a financial term. You have made a great profit in your efforts. The richest person in the world is the one who lives in right relationship to God and has right relationship with his brothers and sisters in Christ. We are at a loss, we are in great debt, when we do not have peace with our spiritual family. That’s why we should endeavor (work hard, labor to the point of sweat) to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3).

Relationships are not easy. I wish that these verses in Matthew 18 were easy to apply but they are not. There will be conflict in the church. There will be conflict in your family. There will be conflict in your marriage. It is a given. What separates a healthy church (or family or marriage) from an unhealthy one is not the absence of conflict but the humility and willingness to deal with the conflict in a Christ-honoring way.

Relationships are hard work but they are worth the sweat.

Lord, may I keep short accounts with my brothers and sisters in Christ. May I have the humility to love them as You have loved me and the courage to confront them in gentleness and truth when needed.

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