HEELCATCHER

I have found at least one advantage to having a ruptured Achilles and hobbling around on crutches—handicapped parking.

Yesterday my doctor filled out an application for handicapped parking and I picked up a temporary pass from the local police department.

I used it for the first time today. It was pretty nice being able to park so close to a business entrance. But it felt strange too. Like I was in the wrong spot.  Am I really handicapped?

I read the pass. It says, “This vehicle carries a temporarily handicapped person.” So I guess so.

It really is hard to get used to limitations…even if they are only temporary. There is a part of the male heart (maybe in the female heart too but I can’t speak for that gender) that doesn’t like to accept weakness, incompetence, handicaps.

The other night I came home from a church meeting. It was late. My family was already asleep. My wife said to call if I needed help getting in the door. But I didn’t want to wake her up (good husband that I am). And I didn’t want to think that I couldn’t get up two steps into my house. The problem was that I had a backpack, computer bag, and a pillow to carry with me. “I can do this.” Backpack on my back. Computer bag over my shoulder. Pillow gripped against the handle of one of my crutches. As I stepped up onto the second step, I felt my body sway backwards. Thankfully I quickly regained my balance and was able to shuffle into the door. Later, I thought, “That was stupid.” That’s all I need to do is “bust it” trying to get into my house and end up with a broken arm or leg. Wouldn’t that be grand…and stupid!

But I did make it in the door. And part of me thought, “Hey, I did it. I bet I could carry more if I needed to.”

The indomitable spirit of man. It can be a good thing. It enables truly disadvantaged people to conquer great odds and do great things. It has inspired ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

But like most things, the indomitable spirit is a double-edged sword. It also causes weak, limited, mortal people to do stupid things.

We do have limits. All of us are handicapped in one way or another. All of us have weaknesses. There are some things that we simply cannot do. For instance, we can’t make another person change…or love us…or even like us. We can’t change the past. We can’t control the weather, alter the earth’s rotation, or convince Brett Favre to retire. We can’t stop aging, ban sickness, or conquer death. The Bible also says that we can’t not sin. We can’t make ourselves righteous. We can’t love God and others completely and purely. We can’t heal our own hearts. We can’t save ourselves from hell.

We need help. But something inside us hates asking for it. We need a Savior. But for some reason we often keep trying to save ourselves.

Yet when we finally come to the place where we see our weakness… when we reach the end of our self-sufficiency… when we recognize our powerlessness to change… when we acknowledge our need for help… it is then that we find strength, freedom, and salvation.

It is the paradox of Scripture…when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). Why? Because only when I recognize my weakness do I seek a strength that is outside myself.

It is the animal that knows its vulnerability that finds its home in the cleft of the rock. It is the child that says, “Daddy, help me,” that experiences his father’s strength. And it is the person who recognizes the emptiness of his heart that receives the fullness of God.

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God (Matthew 5:3).

In God’s kingdom, the poor become rich. The weak become strong. The humbled are exalted. The hurting find healing. And the handicapped get the best parking spots.

Achilles Surgery Incision

Today began the second stage of Achilles recovery.

I had an appointment with my doctor this morning. I was ready to get the surgery cast off and let my foot air out for a little while. I was also curious to see the incision.

The cast came off easily. It was a split cast held together by ace bandages. Once the bandages were off, the cast opened up like a shell. Next came yards of white cotton cloth wrapped around my leg and foot. The last thing was a bloodied gauze pad on the back of my heel. Sort of gruesome.

I was surprised at how long the incision was…and how many staples were in the back of my heel! Staples just don’t look right jammed into the back of your heel. I wondered what the “skin stapler” looked like and what that procedure would feel like without anesthesia. I don’t plan on finding out.

I wasn’t looking forward to getting the staples out…especially when the nurse said, “I am not going to lie. It will hurt a little bit.” I think I like the “oh, it’s no big deal” response better.

Most of the staples were not too bad. It felt like someone was pinching my heel with the very tips of their fingernails. However, the two staples that had to be dug out of my skin were a little more uncomfortable. I knew one of them was going to be a problem when the nurse said, “Oh, here’s another one I didn’t see.” Yippee.

I was glad when that whole procedure was done. It probably only took about 3-4 minutes.

My foot felt weird. It was sort of numb and just hung there. I probably could have moved it but I didn’t want to try.The nurse asked if I had any pain over the past two weeks. “None really. The cast was uncomfortable but that was about it. I do have a spot on my big toe that hurts.” Of course, she immediately felt my big toe…and it hurt. She wasn’t sure what it was. It is basically a sore callous on the bottom of my big toe close to where my toe meets my foot. She mentioned it to the doctor. He said to take a quick x-ray to make sure nothing else was going on. The x-ray showed nothing so apparently it is just a sore callous on the bottom of my big toe. I guess it must have been rubbing up against the cast at some point.

The Red Christmas Cast

Next I got to pick my cast color. I guess casts are accessory items now. I ruled out hot pink, thought about navy blue, but then went with Christmas red. Nothing like showing the Christmas spirit with your leg cast.

It was pretty cool watching them put the cast on. I have never had one before. It started with a thin stocking put over my foot and leg, then more yards of cotton wrapping, then about three rolls of a wet fiberglass material. The doctor wrapped it around my leg and smoothed it out. It hardened in about two minutes.

Next appointment is in four weeks when I transition to a walking boot. For now, I get a nice, heavy Christmas red stocking on my left foot.

After the appointment, my wife and I went out to lunch and then to a movie. A friend was watching the kids so we took advantage of the time to enjoy a date together. I guess we were celebrating my new red cast.

We saw The Blind Side. Excellent movie. I highly recommend it. It is one of the few movies I have seen that paints Christians in a positive light. Very well done. And a compelling true story. It certainly opens your eyes to the challenges that many young men face in the projects and how one act of kindness can have a lifetime of impact.

I wish the movie industry would make more movies with this kind of message. Before the movie started, we were treated to at least ten movie previews. Two of them looked pretty good…both based on true stories, Invictus and Extraordinary Measures. The rest looked like cinematic garbage. Sex, special effects, and/or crude humor make up the majority of films that hit the market. If art reflects culture, then our culture is in trouble.

I guess I already knew that. “The Blind Side” reminded me that instead of just talking about the problem, Christians are called to make a difference…one life at a time.

I still can’t quite get out of the funk I am in. The inactivity and immobility associated with the Achilles injury is starting to get to me. I am looking forward to going to the doctor on Wednesday. It’s hard to believe that I am saying that. Doctor visits aren’t usually high on my list. But right now I am just ready for the next stage of this Achilles recovery. Cast off. A little “air time” for my foot. Staples out. New cast. And hopefully a little more mobility.

I mentioned this to a wise woman on the phone tonight and she said, “Well, now you know what a pregnant woman feels like.” Apparently pregnant women are always ready for the next stage of the pregnancy…regardless of what lies ahead. I can honestly say that I never thought of it like that before.

I spent most of the past few days with my new friend in the backroom of our house, the recliner. I watched a lot of football. Read some. Surfed the internet. Worked on a family Christmas letter. And basically felt like a bum. When you are busy and working all the time, such a day sounds great. When it becomes your daily reality, then it becomes a drag.

Here are some random thoughts on my mind the past few days…

• The Saints should not be 12-0…but amazingly they are.
• Burping up the taste of fish is really gross…especially when you don’t remember eating fish. (I figured this out later. I took a fish oil supplement in the morning that apparently didn’t sit well in the stomach.)
• Pain is relative…that is why it is fruitless to compare pain with someone else.
• Kids are a lot of fun…when they are not getting on your nerves.
• Rules mean nothing when you play with a four year old.
• A great wife is worth more than a ton of riches (Proverbs 31:10).

And here are a few more thoughts with more elaboration…

Too much TV can lead to depression. I actually read that somewhere recently. I believe it. I enjoy watching football on TV. But after several hours of media overdosage, you feel like you are coming out of anesthesia. I typically do not watch much TV during the week. I have watched a lot more in the past two weeks. I can honestly say that there isn’t much that is good to watch. And even sports need to be viewed with moderation.

Depression and inactivity makes you want to watch TV. Here is the reverse side of the coin. When you are inactive and don’t have much to do (or better yet, don’t feel like doing anything), you have a greater desire to “veg” in front of the tube….which in turn makes you feel more depressed and more like doing nothing.

Thankfully, though I spent most of my time in the recliner today, I didn’t turn on the TV at all. That in itself made today a little better day. Oh, and here is the snippet on that study on TV and depression…

Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and Harvard Medical School looked at the media habits of 4,142 healthy adolescents and calculated that each additional hour of TV watched per day boosted the odds of becoming depressed by 8%. (http://articles.latimes.com/2009/feb/03/science/sci-tv3)

Tiger Woods needs to read Ecclesiastes. Here is a man who practically has it all. $1 billion net worth. Oodles of fans. Respect across the sports world. A charmed life. A beautiful wife. Nice house. Free Cadillac Escalades. Anything he wants he can practically get. Anywhere he wants to go he can go. But in the course of a few weeks, his world has unraveled. Being the world’s greatest and richest golfer doesn’t teach you how to love…or remain faithful…or control your passions. You can have it all and still be empty…and desperate for something more…something that you won’t find in the passing pleasures of this world or the arms of a cocktail waitress.

I am reminded of two quotes by two of my favorite Christian writers…

“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” C.S. Lewis

“Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God” G.K. Chesterton

Joy is learning to enjoy the simple blessings of life. Ecclesiastes has an interesting refrain throughout the book.

“I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God” (3:12-13).

Rejoice. Do Good. Eat. Drink. Enjoy the good of one’s labor. And Ecclesiastes 9:9 would add, “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love…” Interesting advice. Solomon had tried bigger and better, more wine and more wives, increased wealth and greater knowledge…and in the end, he said, “You know what? If I would have stuck to loving my wife, enjoying my kids, working honestly, doing good, and taking each day as a gift from God, then I would have been better off than I am today.”

If that’s true, then why do we keep running after things? Why do “family men” so often forsake the family? Why does the slow life oftentimes seem too slow? And why can’t I simply enjoy this “down” time without feeling down?

I am reminded of another quote. This time by Augustine. “Thou hast made us for Thyself, O God. And our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.” That is true for an unbeliever as well as for a believer. Just because we believe in God doesn’t always mean that we rest in Him.

Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me. For I am gentle and lowly of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

When we come to Jesus Christ, He gives us His rest. When we follow Him daily through the highs and the lows of life, when we learn from Him daily and listen for His still quiet voice, when we trust Him daily even when we don’t always understand His ways, then we find His rest and experience it more and more in our lives.

Lord, help me to rest in You and enjoy Your simple blessings in my life.

It has been two weeks since my Achilles injury. My activities have been limited ever since then. Simple tasks have become more difficult and time-consuming. Most of my time has been spent sitting in a recliner with my leg propped up.

Considering my limited mobility and activity, I have done pretty well emotionally the past two weeks. The change of pace was actually kind of nice. Before the injury, I rarely had a chance to simply sit, reflect, write, journal, read for extended periods of time. The slower pace was good.

But yesterday my emotions were down. The inactivity is beginning to wear on me. My inability is becoming discouraging.

It probably started when we were in PA and a friend took our boys to an indoor sports park. I sat and watched them play baseball for about an hour and a half. It was frustrating not being a part of the fun. I love playing sports with my boys. I realized at that moment how long and how limited this recovery period will be.

I also began feeling like a burden. The first two weeks the injury was sort of novel. Being cared for did not seem like such an imposition. After all, I have been sick before and have needed help from others. But I have never been sick for two weeks. I have never been unable to care for myself or help out around the house for an extended period of time.

There is a human sense of reciprocity. I help you out, you help me out. You do this for me, and I do this for you. It is sort of a balance of responsibility. I know personally when I start feeling like I am carrying most of the load, like the other person is not doing their fair share, then I can start getting frustrated. I can pull the extra load for awhile, but eventually I need the other person to contribute. Now I am the one on the other side of the coin. I am the one not able to pull my load, share the responsibility, contribute my part. After awhile, you can start feeling guilty, worthless, like a burden.

I don’t like seeing my wife carry the extra burden…especially without being able to contribute in some other areas. I usually clean up after dinner, do the dishes, take out the garbage, care for the lawn, share the driving, or help pick up the clutter around the house. I can help some now but my ability is severely limited. Going on crutches, I can’t even carry a book without some difficulty. I can barely maneuver around the house. I can’t stand for more than two or three minutes at a time.

Obviously I am reflecting on this more than I should be. But when all you have time to do is reflect, then you can’t help yourself.

I am gaining a small sense of how those with chronic illness or long-term handicaps must feel. It is hard not to feel like a burden, like an imposition. How many times can you ask someone to help you before they start to feel irritated with you? I find myself saying, “Thank you,” over and over. I want the other person to know how much I appreciate their help…and I don’t want them to get tired of me.

I wonder if this sense of reciprocity is what makes God’s grace so hard to accept. I have to do something, don’t I, God? How can You love me unconditionally when I have done nothing to earn that love? How can You not get tired of me when all I do is ask for help over and over? But thankfully God’s love is unlimited and His resources are unending.

²⁸ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. ²⁹ He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40:28-29)

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 118:1)

Thank You, God, that You never get tired of me.